RE: My Story- Sound Familiar? Jaimjaim: I'm new to this support group and so happy to have found a group of people who can really relate to my situation regarding being involved with a police officer. I'm a teacher and was dumped by the love of my life 2 months ago. We had been together for about 1 1/2 years and he and I were talking engagement. He had already asked my parents, who were happy to give their blessing, and we were house hunting together, looking at rings, etc. Well, when I met him he was a county road worker. He was sweet, sensitive, caring, and just EVERYTHING that I was looking for in a man. Above all he LOATHED womanizers, cheaters, and was Mr. Monagomous, another trait I adored since I'm loyal down to my toes when it comes to relationships. I'd been burned so many times by guys who cheated and thought nothing of it. About 4 months into our relationship, when it started to get serious, he decided to go into the state police. Well, it was a very hard 6 month live-in academy. I only got to see him every other weekend. I lived in the card section of Walmart, faithfully sending him at least one card per week to support and encourage him. He would tell me that I was "his world" and he could never do this without me being there for him...which made me feel so special. It felt great to be needed! He told me that this was the hardest thing we would ever have to do and that we would work our problems out openly with lots of communication. It really started out that way. But by the time he graduated I already noticed a hint of "macho man" growing in him. The academy indoctrinated him into this line of thinking of "I am the law". The next two months were the longest months of my life. He grew more distant, the communication went down the drain, and I noticed he began talking to other women via text messaging. I became jealous because all of a sudden I was not his "world" anymore. He would insist that they were "just friends." One day I read one of the messages. It read: " Hey I'm driving down the road and I'm drunk...you better come and pull me over!" I confronted him about it and was incredulous to the fact that he didn't see this as flirting! He was lapping this attention up like a sponge. Then he started blaming me for things, little things, that I was doing "wrong" all the time. Well by this point I got quite moody and we were arguing all the time. He started making excuses why he wanted to hang out "with the guys" more and that we were spending "too much time" together. I needed to vent to someone so I discussed his behavior with his mother (in confidence) who told me not to put up with it. The next day I called him to confront him because I needed to know what was happening to us. He claimed that he didn't know what was wrong but he felt it too. He wasn't interested in engagement anymore, saying how he was "rushing into it." He thought we should spend some time apart. I was sick, mentally and physically. It was like he changed in such a short period of time! It didn't help that his brother was also a state trooper, and of course they would stick together! I even found out that one of the women he was talking to all the time was an ex-girlfriend who was MARRIED. She claimed that she was miserable in her marriage and that she liked the attention she was getting from my man. I heard this from a girlfriend and saw my whole world crashing down in front of me. My parents didn't even know what to say, they were sooo disappointed in him. A week later he called to say we needed to "talk". I promptly threw up, knowing what he was going to say. He came over my house and no matter how much begging, crying, and bargaining I did with him, his answer was that I BETRAYED HIM by going to his mother about the fact that he was talking to other women. Remember I spoke to her in CONFIDENCE? HA! Apparently she chewed him out for treating me that way and I guess he didn't want to be told what to do, so he chose to waste what we had together and dump me for his new life of adventure, impulsiveness, and of course women throwing themselves at the uniform. I feel like everything I did for him to get him through the academy was a waste. I feel used. My friends tell me that one day he will regret his decision....when he grows up some. He's only 24. I'm 27. Some think that he will call me after a few months or even a year or so to try to get back together, but I don't know if I want him back. I used to wake up every single day and thank God for bringing him into my life. I finally felt content and happy with my life. I miss him so much. I just don't understand how he could have fallen out of love with me, especially in such a short period of time. I hope that some day he will come down off of his "high horse" and realize what he gave up. I try to rationalize and look at all the reasons it wouldn't have worked but it only helps for a while. Please help!
Re: RE: My Story- Sound Familiar? bluesman: welcome Jaim Jaim...
since my GF dumped me (and engaged a week later) for a police officer that she met at a hurricane evac' center... I am little prejudiced on this topic and don't feel I should offer any coments other than to say, welcome and let you know that there are many here that care with what you are going through...
being here sure has helped me...
Re: RE: My Story- Sound Familiar? 4sarah: Welcome to OJAR!
I'm so sorry for what your going through. I don't have any experience with police officers either but I just wanted to say that you deserve so much more. I know it feels horrible now but it will get better. You just need to do what will help you. Don't sit around and wonder if he's going to come back and all that other stuff because he may and he may not. I found hobbies help and anything that occupies time ( I do a lot with my kids). Mostly OJAR and talking to people that are going through the same thing. So keep posting!!
Good Luck
Sarah
Not my fault? Jaimjaim: Thanks for your comments. I know that time is the ultimate healer, but I can't help but think of all the "reasons" he said he broke up with me. I have felt so guilty about talking to his mom about his womanizing, especially when he said that I had no reason NOT to trust him. He'd never been that way before. Other women I talked to though agreed with me in that he should NOT have been doing this. It's just like emotional cheating if nothing else. The last time I spoke to him was on Christmas. I had a sweatshirt of his which was his favorite. While he was in the academy I wore it all the time, accidentally spilling bleach on it while doing laundry. He was disappointed but told me not to worry about it. Well, when we broke up he told me I was selfish for not bothering to replace it. Little did he know I had already ordered him a new one and was going to give it to him for Christmas. So I did and he felt like a complete ass. He called to thank me and I could hear in his voice that he generally appreciated the gesture. I didn't hold any hope that it would make him come back, I just wanted to do the right thing. We talked for about 10 minutes, small talk mostly, and then he said, "I'll give you a call later." Well I'm glad I didn't hold my breath because I haven't heard from him since. A friend told me that "later" to him means he'll call sometime before he dies. That made me chuckle. I have not called him nor will I. I don't want to sound needy or desperate. My dad was also a cop (retired now) and my parents have been married for 30 years. I know the divorce rate for cops is like 80%, but I thought I could make it work. I need to stop torturing myself but some days it's sooo hard. Anyone else have lots of up/down days? It's like a roller coaster and I'm screaming that I want off! I don't have any kids, so my dog is my companion...and of course my parents! Ojar really has been a godsend!
Re: RE: My Story- Sound Familiar? Graham1675: Well the first few months are the hardest, It will get better with time. You just have to take a good look at yourself and enjoy what you have.
