Re: Is this a bad one....??? phairestofthemall: Ditto that doesn't sound like a fair settlement, and I'm sorry for your pain, divorce sucks, welcome to the club. She's started the ball rolling though so you need to think and act fast right now, which I know is hard for the feelings you have, might as well be taking an algebra test while rabid wolverines are attacking you, but for your future's sake you gotta try... First and foremost, what state has she filed in, and whatever the answer is get online and/or with an attny immediately and get acquainted with your divorce rights therein. (also are you eligible to file in another state that might work better for you?) In particular, find out if X state recognizes fault in divorce or not, b/c unless I misunderstood you she committed adultery. Risky business going the fault route though FYI, unless you're a canonized saint she could counterfault you. Also, community property state or not, and as someone else asked kids or not? Let us know about that and anything else relevant and we'll go from there.
Re: Is this a bad one....??? phairestofthemall: Mk real quick, echo her attny is HER ATTNY, he won't be doing you any favors. Him threatening that you'll have to pay his fee if ya'll go to court is a pressure/intimidation tactic to try and get you to settle on her terms out of court. Sure they can ask for that if it goes before a judge, but I don't think that's a request that's usually granted (anyone been there?). But anyway, it IS in your best interest also to not go to court- less costly, less delay/stress, ect. You just need to make a strong case for yourself like you're expecting too though, and anyway you still might have to- arm yourself with info, hell, go on the offensive even, draw up and send them an MSA you think is fair and see how they take it.
Re: Is this a bad one....??? kev: Hey Phoenix...welcome to the club, as much as there shouldn't be one! this is a great place to find out you are not alone, are experiencing the same feelings that others have, and get some great advice.
I am really sorry to hear that you are having to go through this mess, and the fact that it sounds like your wife turned evil on you makes it even worse. I am grateful for the fact in my situation, there are no attorneys involved, it is friendly, and we both just want to get our divorce done so that we can move on.
My wife cheated on me also, and chose the other guy. after 12 yrs of being married and raising two kids...the youngest turned 18 and she was out the door. A whole lot more to it than that, of course, but it looks to me like it was an opportune time for her to jump ship.
anyway, this isn't about me, sorry! ;)
Just remember, the feelings that you have right now, the extreme depression, the crying, the hopelessness...all of these are things that I went through in the first stages, and from what i hear from others, are normal feelings.
and for as many times as you will hear it and feel like it is an empty promise...things will get better. Focus on you, look out for your needs, DON'T listen to her attorney, ONLY listen to yours. I don't have attorneys involved in my divorce, but I work with attorneys every day. the ones on the other side will stab you right in the back while smiling in your face!
And remember, life is too short to beat yourself up about anything. she is the one that started all this and continues to go after you. LOOK OUT FOR YOU.
Hang in there buddy, you will be ok. it is going to take time and some inner reflection, but eventually, you are going to be right back on track.
Welcome!
