Guys who have cheated?! rose33oo: I just wanted to know if their are any guys on here who have cheated?If so and you wouldnt mind sharing your story i would like to know why and how you felt afterwards.What were your thougths about the OW and the thoughts about your wife before and/or after you were found out.I just want a guys point of view.A little insight into a man's mind. ???
Re: Guys who have cheated?! charmed: I wouldn't mind hearing the same ;D
Re: Guys who have cheated?! Scott: I have never cheated but would like to know what goes through a womans mind when she cheats? Or should I start a new post for that?
Re: Guys who have cheated?! flowersdirtandgardengirl: I'll step up to the plate on this one, even though I am not a guy and it's been a very long time since the one and only time I cheated on someone.
I was in high school, so take that for what it is, but I still think we are kind of motivated by the same base measures, we just get better at handling them as we get older.
So in high school I had a great boyfriend who was gorgeous and brilliant and athletic and popular and talented and who loved me more than anyone. And it was great and wonderful for a good long while. And there were some problems, of course. He was a little needy, I questioned why someone would love me THAT much, I was worried he was making his life more about me than about himself, I wanted someone with a little more confidence and autonomy. My brother had just turned 19 and was given a house by my grandparents to live in alone. All of his friends were super hot pro surfers and there was swarms of them, everywhere. I was 16/17 and partying with a bunch of crazy, whacky, hot, wild surfer kids on the north shore of Oahu. I got a lot of attention. It started to go to my head. I was young and selfish and super naive. So, I kissed a few guys at the parties and was suprised at how un-terrible I felt.
Then it kind of became this weird pre-occupation of mine. Once I realized how easy it was for me to do, it just came naturally (and yes I DO know how terrible this all is). I did some really bad things. I cheated on him with his sister's boyfriend. I didn't ever sleep with anyone else until I went away for my graduation trip to the mainland to visit some friends. There I met a guy and fell all kinds of head over heels for him and did end up sleeping with him. Alot. I didn't ever tell my boyfriend. And I didn't even break up with him for another six months. And yes I do know that it was a horrible, horrible thing to do and yes I do believe I've paid for it in spades in karma. And now he is married to an amazing gorgeous woman who adores and loves him like he always deserved to be.
I was ONLY thinking of me. I was too young and too selfish and too immature to know what love was. I wasn't ready for a love like his at that time in my life (16-18!) and the irony of it isn't lost on me at all. Cheating made me feel desirable and it was exciting and terrible and it made me feel crappy and good and selfish and daring. It made me think I was wild and crazy when I knew that I really wasn't. It made me think that I must be something pretty hot sh-t because not only do I have any number of guys on the side but I had a boyfriend at home who loved me unconditionally. I made me think I was a whole lot more than I ever was and when I look back on it now, as an adult, it makes me see that the selfish and ugly lives in us all.
It filled a space for a little bit I was too lazy and inept to fill myself. It made me look at myself with awe and disgust. It made me see how much pain I was capable of inflicting onto another person. It made me understand (but it took me a while to get there) that you have choices over your actions and what you do does, some where down the road, get back to you. It made me realize that I do not want to behave like that ever again.
There is a great book called "Surviving Infedelity" that talks alot about this and better than I ever could. I suggest you check it out.
Okay, ojarian lynch mob...have at me. :-\
love,
gg
Re: Guys who have cheated?! C-Note: I have thought about it, come close, been to the edge, but never done it. The only thing consistant with any of thoughs events was a serious lack of communication between my wife and I. With no way to work things out what point is there for continuing to be faithful.
I wouldn't assume this is the case in all situations for all the other guys out there. But you wanted to hear it. So there it is.
Just a side note. It sucks when you get more offers from women outside your home then you get opportunities with your wife at home.
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