Re: Being alone? Advice please!! LostTeacher: i know what you mean about feeling like a failure.
in my family, no one is divorced. my parents, grandparent, aunts/uncles, cousins.....everyone is still together. so to get divorced from someone i had spent such a big part of my life with already was very depressing. and seeing how quickly he moved on, made me feel like i was never that important to him....ever.
but, being alone has taught me things i never would have known if i had stayed with him.
like.....i am a social person. i like going out, planning events, doing things other than just going to hockey games and dinner.
i like being with groups of friends. before, i was too content just wanting to be with him....all the time.
i realize the importance of other friendships. and i will never let those go again. i was so focused on us, that i didn't nurture my friendships. so when i was first seperated, i was very lonely. thank god for my friends.
it gets better. sure, you will have ups and downs, but it gets better. i have had a bit of a down lately, but that's because i am in the home stretch of this divorce, and it's making me sad again. and it's ok that i am sad. i just can't let it control my life for much longer.
Lt
Re: Being alone? Advice please!! sparkle: LostTeacher, you definitely seem to have your stuff together. No one in my family has ever been divorced either. It’s funny because for the last couple of holidays, I’ve told everyone he was home sick. I didn’t want to face their reactions. I am even stupid enough to keep his last name. I am just too embarrassed to change it. A low moment for me was the other day, when I even put my wedding ring on when I had to go to the dentist. I am still covered under his plan for my dental insurance so I don’t have the nerve to tell the office to delete his name from my file. Maybe when its official I will feel differently, but I doubt it. Like you, my divorce will be finalized soon, so its bringing up all those feelings I have been trying to forget. All we can do is offer support to each other and keep telling ourselves it will be okay. People go through this all time, so if they can do it, why cant we.
Re: Being alone? Advice please!! LostTeacher: the name change is a hard thing. i teach, so in the last 5 years, i have changed my name three times.
it was a very hard thing to do, but i could not have gone on using that name. i hear my name called a hundred times a day.....and hearing myself being called his name was making me not a happy person.
but...........it was so good. i teach older kids, so i was just honest with them. i told them that i was seperating, and that i was going back to my maiden name. most took it very well.....the hardest was my grade 12's. they had been with me since i started at that school. they had seen me excited about getting married, saw my maiden name, married name, and now my maiden name again. i cried when i told them. but 5 girls got up and hugged me...and it made it so much better. in fact...they made a bit of a joke about it at their grad......and i actually laughed.
you will get there. it's a long process. i didn't want to take off my rings....i didn't want to get a divorce....i didn't want to leave my house. but i did. it's taken a year, and i am living with my folks again....but i am getting stronger. it just takes time. time, and healing, and friends.
LT
Re: Being alone? Advice please!! RecoveringinDE: I was with my ex from the age of 18. We separated when we were 31. I moved from my parents to his home and had never been alone. I had kicked him out of the house a few days after everything happened, although he slept on the couch until his apt was ready. The first night I was in my apt, I had every light in the apt on except my bedroom light. Although I did have the bathroom light on with the door closed and the light in the walk in closet on with those doors closed. I had the windows shut tight and a chair up against the front door.
It was the hardest night of my life. Yes I was at the house by myself before I moved out, but that was different. That was familiar. I have my daughter with me three to four nights a week. The other nights I have finally figured out it is OK to try and find out what I like and what I want out of life. I am currently going to school for my Bachelor's Degree, and I do what snkpack5 suggested to you. I take myself out for manicure's and pedicures. I even take my 5 year old daughter out for a girls day out and spoil ourselves. I'm still learning to be by myself and it has been just over a year and a half. Granted I have also improved and don't sleep with lights on anymore =) But I now take the time to discover who I am and it's like waking up from a sleep. I am refreshed and actually enjoy my own company now =)
You will be fine I can promise you that. Just don't sit and dwell. Get yourself out there and experience new things.
Take care,
RiDE
Re: Being alone? Advice please!! hurtnlost: Everyone's advice has been great and I am going to take the time to pamper myself and learn to do fun things with friends. The one thing I always worried about when I was with him was I would never go out b/c I had let my world revolve around him and and I always felt bad to go anywhere b/c I did not want him to be alone. Now that he left me alone I have no choice but to pick up and carry on. I was watching that movie Hope Floats where her husband leaves her and she hardly gets dressed or goes out and her mom tells her she must go on and quit moping around b/c it is not solving anything and it doesn't. Here he is moving on like I was not a part of his life and I just refuse to let him ruin mine anymore. I hope everyone gets the empowerment to move on and feel strong even if they are not with their SO anymore.
Hugs to everyone!
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