Re: Conflicted thoughts pharmer: That is perhaps my biggest worry – not forgiving her and having that affect our relationship long term. There are things about her relationship with this guy which I think I know, or at least which the evidence suggests happened. For some of these things I know she will never admit they happened. Sometimes I don’t worry about this other times it’s all I think about. I want to forgive, to move on, but right now it’s hard to think about. It’s not a switch you turn on or off. When trust is destroyed it takes a long time to get it back and right now I don’t know how long that will take. I really don’t want to constantly relive this whole thing, I just need to find an outlet. Thanks for all the advice.
Re: Conflicted thoughts snkpack5: I personally could not get over things like that. I forgave my ex for cheating twice and I never brought it up in a fight or threw it in his face, but whenever he would touch me, I would think about it and it ruined the magic for me. Do you think you can do that for the rest of your life?
Re: Conflicted thoughts pharmer: Good question. I have already forgotten it to some extent. However, we have not discussed the affair at length and whether or not I can continue to do it remains to be seen. We plan on discussing it in counseling to soften the blow but it still will be hard. I think we both agree that we have much to gain if it works and a lot to lose if it doesn’t. I guess I just feel like I want the truth, however painful. I want details about what she did with him. When I get those I can begin the process of forgetting (maybe). There is no doubt a part of our relationship died. I’ll never get that back and I can’t change what happened. I can however give this marriage my best shot, try to move beyond my pain and realize that this is the best thing for my children. Perhaps also it is the best thing for me as, (like many others here) I can’t fathom the prospect of life without her. So I continue on, trying to prepare for the worst and hoping for the best.
