Re: Conflicted thoughts Chris101: I'm in a very similar situation with a few twists but I can totally relate to what you are saying. It sounds like you have a good chance of making it through this from what you have said. It really comes down to what it was that she was missing or thought she was missing. Its possible by what happened that she has realized that the grass isn't greener on the other side so she doesn't want to go that route anymore. If thats not the case then you need to find out what that "something" is, and the other part is she willing and open to have you provide that missing component, lets hope so. I have found the one cheated on has to make a huge sacrifice and endure a lot of pain with little feeling of appreciation from the cheater. Sometimes I wonder if its really worth it, and if something better will come out of it, guess I can only hope.
I have put together a PDF with help on surviving this, its free info available on the net but I grouped it all into one file for easier reading. If you want a copy PM me your e-mail addy and I can send it to you.
Re: Conflicted thoughts C-Note: Forgiveness is something we should all be capable of. Making personal changes also is something we should all be willning to do for ourselves. If those changes also benefit the one we love then that's great too.
No matter what happens though. From the point she cheated she broke the trust between you two. You may mend and patch that up all you want, but it's never going to be unbroken. Cheaters will always find a way if they want to cheat so thinking you know her where abouts is fruitless.
You should be concerned with preparing yourself mentally, spiritually and financially for the worse. I always hope for the best, but regaurdless of your wifes fidelity in the future, can you tell yourself truthfully that you can get past this? If you can then continue your consuling.
Re: Conflicted thoughts pharmer: This is perhaps the hardest part in all of this. Walking the fine line between trying to make your marriage work by putting your best foot forward and forgiving (if not forgetting) what happened in the past versus trying to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario. I guess deep down I believe she wants it to work (we have 2 children) but she has many issues which I’m not sure she wants to (or even can) deal with – hence her trying to make this all into a problem with me. Just a really terrible feeling overall, not knowing what 6 months down the road will bring.
Re: Conflicted thoughts IMJF83: Tomorrow, I will go to court and hopefully, my divorce will be finall. I do not dwell on the affair, because if I did, it would consume me. I finally come to terms with it and decided to move on. So far, it has worked. Does it hurt? yes. Have I or will I ever cheat on someone? No. It is just not worth the pain. If you want to have an affair, step up to your spouse and let it be known before hand to give them a chance to either try and fix the problem or end the realtionship. That is just my opinion..
Re: Conflicted thoughts dontgetit: tough call, if you are able to TRULY forgive then I think a marriage can survive infidelity - problem is most people just don't (myself included)...My wife had an affair 5 years ago - I took her back and told myself I forgave her........she paid the price for 5 years - constantly throwing in her face, she ran off in October with another man........did my obvious lack of TRUE forgiveness have any impact on her decision - probably she no longer has to hear about it.........So if you want it to work you need to leave the past in the past..........
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