Re: Was I wrong? dumpling: HNL-
no, you were not wrong. how else should you have acted when he did what he did? this is nonsense, and, as lumpy said, maybe guilt transference. he has crushed you, turned your world upside down, wants out of the marriage "just because", and then blames you for arguments during the divorce process? listen, he never moved out, he is still there- the situation could not have been THAT unbearable.
so, since he refuses to leave the marital residence until the divorce is final on wednesday- ask him what his deal really is. the divorce is not final until next week- so what is his problem? he'll be able to move out on wednesday, but not today, or four months ago when he decided that he needed out at all costs? what changes about january 11 that he can leave, but he couldn't leave before?
if he thinks that there were issues during the divorce that may have made him call the whole thing off, invite him to discuss them with you. that is fixable. he didn't say that about your marriage, but about the divorce process. has he always been so wishy washy?
honey, i know that this divorce is not what you want and seems really ill conceived on your husband's part- but you both owe it to each other to really hash this out, even if it changes nothing. i don't want to give you false hope, but i would think his comment requires further explanation.
like lumpy said, it sounds like his head is still in his rear end. have him let you know when he gets that taken care of!
Re: Was I wrong? hurtnlost: First of all let me say thanks you so much for your caring responses, it made me feel so much better like I am not a big loser or something.
dumpling - you are right. It must not have been so bad that he still stayed! I am not sure what he was thinking when he said this to me, but it is messed up I know. I did try to hash it out with him but he just said if I was upset about the divorce I should have kept it to myself and dealt with it. He told me that I should have dealt with the divorce in an easy and non confrontational way instead of being upset about it. That is so hard to do when the person that says they have no love for you anymore is in the same house and you are getting papers that say they wanna take this or that or not give you this or that. It was and is so hard and then when he said that, it just hurt so bad! I am going to try to get further explanation.
lumpy - I think I should ask him to let me know when he does get his head out of his a##!!!
frontier - he has always portrayed himself as not ever making a msitake and still does so that was one thing when we have been going through this is that I was not as perfect for him as he wanted me to be. He is very good at putting on an act in front of co workers and turning around and doing opposite when noone is watching.
gg - thanks for your reply, it even made me laugh some which I needed. It was very hurtful but made me feel that I should have done something that I did not know was fixable. I mean I did everything from telling him we could get counseling to moving closer to his job to being whatever I needed to be and it was never enough so the whole time he gave me the impression there was no fixing and now he says this. I think he is trying to be hurtful, thanks for your advice though. I appreciatte it.
angelbaby- I am going to try my best to keep my chin up.
Hugs
Re: Was I wrong? Lumpy: [quote author=hurtnlost link=topic=23528.msg219142#msg219142 date=1136421033">
lumpy - I think I should ask him to let me know when he does get his head out of his a##!!!
[/quote">
Make sure he wipes thoroughly afterwards...
Re: Was I wrong? hurtnlost: LOL - I will make sure!!! I still am wondering why he would say something like that.
Re: Was I wrong? threetimeloser: I am sorry, from your story, it looks like you are the screamer and he isn't. Wait, I am not placing blame. If he isn't, then from your story it seems that out of all the things that the two of you may have said from each other during the fight, the only thing that sticks in your mind is that he blames you. Think back. Were there other things said that did not make you angry.
That is what fights turn to. Who can say the ugliest things so that both can go seperate ways hurt by what the other said. I am guessing that both of you lost, you just don't know how he is feeling in all this.
It looks like if you guys could talk without fighting you could make things work. Maybe I am oversimplifying it. Have you been to a councellor?
