She wants to study together for the LSAT. harmonix321: So my ex-wife called me up this morning. She wanted to study together for the February LSAT starting this Saturday when we get back to school. She wants to study about 15 hours a week, seeing each other nearly every day to study. She reserved a room in the university library for us to study. That's a lot of alone time.
A week ago we talked on the phone for an hour and a half and it was like old times.
I wonder what her intentions are and where this may lead. I will keep my heart on as tight a leash as possible but mentally keep my mind open to the possibilities.
She also sounded a bit wretched on the phone. Things are going alright for her but she isn't particularly enjoying the Christmas break. The OM isn't working out the way she wanted him to and I think she is lonely.
She told me last week not to get false hopes but it seems she deliberately does not tell me what a "false hope" is, like she's trying to get me to hold out for her, which I am on some level. And if she didn't like me or want me to like her, why would she want to study together? It seems to me that she wouldn't want to. There's a lot of baggage that will come by studying with me. I mean, I told her not one week ago I still love and adore her.
Is the LSAT her primary focus here?
Re: She wants to study together for the LSAT. tara: No. The LSAT isn't something you really need to study for in a group setting. (I studied entirely by myself, by taking what seemed like 100,000,000 practice tests and questions. Maybe 30 minutes to an hour a day, three or four days a week, for a few months. And I did well -- PM me if you need tips; good luck by the way.)
But don't read into this as "she wants me to get back together!" She may feel guilty about her affair and want to "be friends," thinking that's a good consolation prize for you. She may just be lonely and looking for the familiar.
I'd say -- if you genuinely think studying with her will help you on your LSAT, then it may be a good idea. If you're going in wondering if it will lead to a reconciliation, step back.
Re: She wants to study together for the LSAT. sudboy: It's funny to hear someone else talk about false hope, as that's the exact phrase my wife used on me when she left. At that point I was unaware that she had an OM, and so I was busy doing everything I could think of to try and reconcile.
Also it's interesting to see all the folks here talking about the LSAT. I've put off studying for the LSAT for years, always finding reasons why I couldn't afford the time/tuition/commitment -- you name it. But now that I'm going to be single again I have run out of reasons to procrastinate. Any tips on succeeding with the LSAT would be appreciated!
Sudboy
Re: She wants to study together for the LSAT. ohill: It could be that she knows she needs to make a big push to study hard and you can help her reach that end. Nothing more. It could also be that she is indeed lonely and spending time with you will boost her ego. My guess is that it's a mix of the two. If she can get an ego boost and earn a better score, there's no downside for her.
My ex-wife calls me out of the blue occasionally. She starts with something shallow and then reveals her true intentions, wanting help with her studies. She's taking classes that relate directly to my field. In my case she only calls when she is lonely or there isn't somebody more convenient that can help her out. I am a reliable and familiar face. I have helped her a few times, and once she gets the help she needs, she disappears until she needs me again. The first time this happened I felt great, like I was truly helping and deepening our friendship. I came to realize, however, that she's not interested in cultivating any type of real friendship, she just wants me to be on standby for whatever help I can provide. In my case I'm being used, and I'm taking steps to make sure it stops.
Your case sounds a little more complicated since you guys have had some deeper conversations and you still have some type of feelings for her. If you study with her, just be careful to separate the task at hand (studying) from the emotional side. Your feelings might cause you to walk into the study room with a subconscious ulterior motive of impressing her or winning her back. If you're supposed to be studying, but you're thinking about relationships, etc... you'll likely no be as focused in your studies.
I would suggest that if you want things to work out with her on a relationship level, you go down that road in a situation and a time when there isn't the chance that she is using you. That way you will know what she is truly after....you or your ability to help her get into a good law school.
Re: She wants to study together for the LSAT. harmonix321: According to the three of you, it sounds like reconciliation is the last thing on her mind, and that is likely she is just lonely and trying to boost her ego. But she is a gorgeous and intelligent woman (she is currently, like me, scoring 99% on the LSAT) who does not have much trouble getting a man to like her. It seems like there is more going on here than purely ego or a basic friendship. More than that, I think she is exploring herself and may come back to me a year or two down the road. This is something she mentioned several times during our marriage, that she wanted to go out and date other guys before she could stay with me.
There are a couple reasons this seems moderately reasonable to me, including the fact we both married somewhat young due to now defunct religious reasons, and the fact she didn't have many relationships before me (just 2 boyfriends). It would feel wasteful of me to throw this opportunity for a reconciliation of sorts away. If I turn her away now, why would she want to come to me later? She is a very stubborn person with a lot of pride and would see me turning her away now only to artificially accept her later as pure emotional manipulation, something I've already done too much of.
This is a rough road, and I appreciate your insights and perspectives. If she wasn't up to this point the true love of my life, decisions would be a lot simpler and more black and white.
