acceptance dumpling: i think i am starting to accept things. i have been happier lately, but i'm not sure why. so many changes happened at once that there is no control factor. i do miss you daily, and i love you, but i don't think i would take you back, if the opportunity presented itself. i have been able to see things so much more clearly in the last month and a half, and the monster you turned into on august 21. i am stunned and shocked that we lived under the same roof for three months after you filed and what transpired during that time. i still cannot believe the things you said to me, the way you treated me and the way you handled everything. i do remember the person you were for eight years, i am trying really hard to erase the person you have been since august 21 from my mind. i know that what you have said doesn't add up, but i am over trying to figure it out or prove you a liar.
i think you had a moment if indiscretion with her, you freaked out and trashed everything. you say that that is not the case, but i am as sure of it today as i was the day you came home and said you wanted a divorce. we made a bilateral decision to marry and you made a unilateral decision to divorce. but i can't change your mind for you, i can't tell you what to think or how to feel. i accept that.
today is the first day since august 21 that i have not shed a tear over you. maybe i am cured!
i am dreading next week when i will have to see you in court. i am afraid that it will derail all of the progress that i have made since i went no contact with you. but it is just one more unpleasant thing i need to do. i am much stronger than last time. i wonder if you will pull the same stunts this time as you did in november. i hope, for both of us, you do not.
i hope that you are truly happy in your decisions. i don't see how you possibly could be, but that is not for me to decide. you must live with your decisions.
Re: acceptance dumpling: i lied. i cried at 12:07 am. but i guess that was a new day.
Re: acceptance Irony: [quote author=dumpling link=topic=23611.msg219969#msg219969 date=1136529445">
i lied. i cried at 12:07 am. but i guess that was a new day.
[/quote">
It's ok to backslide a little bit dumpling.
You've made some wonderful progress in taking care of yourself and should be proud!
The no contact thing has helped me tremendously over the past two and a half months.. I am beginning to understand myself a whole lot more and realizing what a hellish marital partner my stbxw had become. I still miss her sometimes but when I want that old feeling of what it was like living with her, I put my head in a vise and turn the handle! The nostalogic feeling pass quickly then.
Learn not to be so hard on yourself.
Good luck and keep growing.. it suits you well.
Re: acceptance dumpling: thanks, irony, for your encouragement!
