Re: Take care of YOU...HOW?? inebr: Ata,
I'm struggling with this one myself right now, big time. My stbx and myself have gone around and around with reconciling and then him calling it off again. The good thing is is I'm getting lots of opportunities to practice staying with myself and taking care of myself. The bad thing is, nothing is changing ...and something has to change here!
Well, just wanted to say you're not alone in this one!! I'm just gonna sit back and listen here....
Re: Take care of YOU...HOW?? achingallover: I, along with everyone else, want to support you in whatever decision you make in this sitaution, ataloss.
A few things to keep in mind
1) If you decide you do want to try to build something new with this man, set the terms for this. Do you want to commit to couples therapy (which I personally think is the only way to learn new skills)? Do you want to have a timeframe on the work? Will you date during the reconcilliation? Will you live apart or together? All of these things and more. Consider what YOU want, not what he wants or is demanding. Go inside yourself and listen to your gut.
2) Plan to go REALLY SLOW!!~
3) Make sure you don't lose the "new" you in the "old habits" alone the way. Really moniter this. Don't give yourself up. Learn how to meld the "new" you with the "new" him.
4) Listen to your gut...and some sage advice from my therapist "If you dont' know what to do, don't do anything!" Don't feel like you have to make even the decision to reconcile now. Give it some thought. Mull it over. If you all are going to build a new relationship, it will take alot of "pause" time in between interactions to make different choices and retrain yourselves.
I hope that has helped a little bit. Most of all, don't feel rushed. He's there, you're there. Take your time to think this through and listen to what your gut is telling you. No one knows better than you what to do in this and how to proceed. Trust yourself - BIG TIME! :D
Whatever decision you make here will be the perfect one for you! ;)
Hugs-
Steph
