New around here...had to get some things out... Mr.Brightside: Greetings & Salutaions everyone...Okay...well, I've been reading a lot of posts on this site and I must say, I feel a lot less alone in the world, so thanks for that.
Well, I guess I'll start by saying I feel so silly about doing this, because I read all of the posts and I compare it to my situation and I feel like a wimp, but here goes anyway...
I'm 28 years old, and I'm getting a divorce, yet N and I have only known each other less than three years and have only been married slightly over a year as of December 11, but we've been separated since September. Like I said, this is so short a time, but it feels like it was forever. The reasons, you ask? Well, as many do, we listed "irreconcilable differences" as the cause, and it's pretty accurate. We got engaged a month after my mother passed away, and in hindsight, it was pretty evident that we rushed into things, but despite that I still love her more than anything in the world. She says I pushed her away, but I say the same thing about her...I'm told that happens quite a lot between two people who just weren't meant to be together. We have no children (unless you count our bulldogs, Brodie and Lola), aren't trying to finnagle any assests out of one another and never cheated on one another or anything like that. I must admit, until last week, I didn't feel so bad about it all, but then she told me that she was starting to see other people, and it felt like someone had stabbed me in the gut, ya know? I mean, we both agreed that we would be allowed to see other people during the divorce process, but I guess I just wasn't ready to hear it. Ever since then, I've been in a constant state of anxiety, jealousy, and regret (my three least favorite emotions). To top it all off, I'm a musician and have no work right now AND just was dismissed from the college I was attending due to poor grades...I just couldn't concentrate this last semester and the GPA went down the chute. In short: I feel like a complete failure right now. I have no job, no wife, and no direction. My friends are amazing, thankfully, but I try not to make them my therapists, so I usually don't talk with them about a lot of my problems with N. They all tell me I am extremely talented and just need to relax and go after my dreams of becoming a professional songwriter and/or actor, both of which I have to admit I am pretty proficient in. Money's not a problem which takes one more thing off my mind, for when my mother passed away, she left quite a large sum to both me and my sister. Once again, I feel silly. I think of all these people in the world who have a million more problems than I do and compare them to myself, and I seem like such a dope to worry about my petty discrepencies with life. I miss her. I miss her so much and didn't even realize it until I thought of the possibility of her being with someone else...kissing someone else, sharing her dreams with someone else. It just kills me. I mean, it's not like she said, "I'm divorcing you. I'm leaving." We both came to the decision together and said that we would be close friends throughout it all. Wishful thinking, right? I dunno...It hurts so much. And it feels like the pain was just hiding underneath a thin veil of denial and once that veil was lifted, I started bleeding out all the sadness, the anger, the rage. Am I crazy or is this the worst feeling in the world?! My heart goes out to all of you. Once again (I tend to repeat myself from time to time) I hope I'm not making all of you roll your eyes right now and have you saying, "Dumb kid...you should see what it's like having a multi year divorce and/or children to deal with." But you guys don't seem like that kind of crowd at all. So, whatever your reaction, thanks for being here and thanks for listening...er...reading.
So...that's my story. It feels very good to get that off my chest. Would love to hear some of your insights/advice. Have a good evening, all of you. And thank you.
Re: New around here...had to get some things out... whats next: Hi Mr.Brightside,
I'm new around here too (my first post yesterday on this board..."Hi I'm new and I'm having a really bad day") and I feel exactly the same as you. Angry, sad, jealous, etc....ALL THE TIME!!!
Don't know what advice I can give you, but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. I'm finding that helps...just to have other people tell you you're normal.
I'm having a better day today than yesterday...I hope you will too. :0)
Re: New around here...had to get some things out... snkpack5: Pain isn't something that can be measured and compared to others. Everyone's pain is different. You are not silly, just human.
These are all natural feelings for you. Of course your pain will be more real to you than the suffering of the masses. It effects you directly.
Keep your chin up. Time softens the pain of watching your ex trot out of your life and into another person's.
Snk
Re: New around here...had to get some things out... bleedingheart: Hi Mr.Brightside,
I understand how you feel. My STBX haven't starting seeing other people yet, she is spending some time to herself first and I am doing the same thing to heal before dating other people. One thing we agreed on is to not talk about each others future dates, it'll just make things worse for the both of us. It might be wise to consider stop talking to your STBX altogether. I am not telling you to "burn bridges". Treat her in a friendly way and as a friend. Keep conversations short and simple, and don't talk about personal things, your relationship, and each others future. You should be the one to end the conversation so they can't fit in a "but" or try reasoning with you. You will have to find someone else to confide in though.
You don't have to do this, it's just a suggestion that was suggested to me. Be warned though, she may start missing you and want to get together again, it'll be your choice and but if you decide to, take it REAL slow or else it'll happen again. I was warned of this. This is what i'm going to try myself, and move on with my life. My counsellor suggested i do this so i can heal properly.
BH
Re: New around here...had to get some things out... Mr.Brightside: Wow...you guys are truly amazing. Thank you all so much for your words, advice, and ability to relate. Already it seems I'm having a better day today than yesterday. I'm very glad I joined the sight. I'll be seeing you all around. Later.
Mr.B
