Re: When should I tell my STBX? 2GoodHeartedPeople: I think that the kids will be effected one way or another. All kids grow up and they are going to want to know what happened. They might end up in conceling themselves 10, 20 years down the road from decisions that you guys are making right now. Make it easier on them and make the agreement with your spouse what you are going to do to benefit the children. You guys relationship though seems crucial should take 2nd place to deciding the life of your kids.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, just my opinion
Re: When should I tell my STBX? bleedingheart: [quote author=2GoodHeartedPeople link=topic=24023.msg224564#msg224564 date=1137172024">
I think that the kids will be effected one way or another. All kids grow up and they are going to want to know what happened. They might end up in conceling themselves 10, 20 years down the road from decisions that you guys are making right now. Make it easier on them and make the agreement with your spouse what you are going to do to benefit the children. You guys relationship though seems crucial should take 2nd place to deciding the life of your kids.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, just my opinion
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No it doesn't sound harsh at all. The kids are our first priority. That's the main reason i feel that i should do this. The kids will always be 1st place next to me. I have to take care of myself in order to take care of my kids.
Re: When should I tell my STBX? sheydp: [quote author=tara link=topic=24023.msg224554#msg224554 date=1137171448"> I must say I've never been big on the idea that kids ALWAYS get confused if they see Mommy and Daddy together doing "family" things. Some do, some don't. Sure, if they're kissy and it's like nothing's different, that can be confusing. But I know people who have been divorced for years but still open presents together on Christmas morning. My ex-husband's stepfather golfed with his father after his parents parted on friendly terms. He also harbored no back-toghether fantasies. And J and his ex-wife often have dinner during a custody exchange (and they did Christmas -- with me, too, eek -- together this year). But their daughter has no illusions about her parents being together (she really has no memory of it). She knows dad and Tara are together, and mom and M are together. [/quote">
I am a big one on this. It is only confusing if you let it be. My ex and I are on friendly terms, we parent together as much as possible. We do open presents together, and even go to each others' family events sometimes. My kids have no thoughts of us getting together, and are aware he has a girlfriend. In fact, my 9 year old keeps wanting to marry me off to new guys (for the presents you know!) We still do "family" things like take pictures together, and go out to dinner. As we add members to the family - like his new girlfriend, I assume they will be invited to these events as add-ons to the girls' family. We are not EACH OTHER's family, but we are still the girls', so events together are acceptable, and the girls don't see that as us getting back together, but as us being a family for them.
As for the two of you being friends... I say it is the same as it is for the kids. If you being friends makes you harbor hopes that it will be more someday, or if love for her makes you willing to be used, then friend stuff should cease. If you can manage being friends in areas other than kid stuff, I say go for it... however, it doesn't really sound like you can, sounds like you might be putting up with her leaning on you to keep her close. That WILL hurt you in the end. Also - if your kids see your friendly behavior to each other and know that you want to be with her as more than a friend, they WILL have hopes you can get back together... Part of the reason my kids aren't confused is because even though we are friendly, neither of us ever questioned it was over once we agreed to end. We were both sad, but knew it was the right thing. The kids knew there was no chance of convincing either of us, no matter how friendly we acted. Just my $.02...
Shey
