Re: Helping with guilt whatnext: This sounds salvageable to me, but you need a good therapist immediately.
And frontier hit it on the head.
Re: Helping with guilt sheydp: Whoa... most of you missed it entirely. Your wife was date-raped. She was beyond the ability to give permission. Her clinging to you afterwards, as well as her trying to be open to sexual experiences she wouldn't normally be is her trying to adjust to her new view of herself - make it seem like she "deserved it" - which she didn't. She needs counseling - NOW - and not because of your marriage.
You were right to not allow the threesome. She needs to know you still respect her and view her as the same person. Please get her and yourself into counseling IMMEDIATELY for rape victims.
Yes, she will pick fights with you, she will be upset at things you say that normally she wouldn't. Look up rape and its effects. Seriously.
Shey
Re: Helping with guilt frontier74: [quote author=sheyd link=topic=24031.msg224699#msg224699 date=1137186938">
Whoa... most of you missed it entirely. Your wife was date-raped. She was beyond the ability to give permission. [/quote">
I would agree that if the guy wasn't completely lit himself, then this is definitely a case of rape. The fact that andya stated that he thought it was an accident on both their parts, caused me to assume that he was near as drunk, if not as drunk, as she was.
If he wasn't drunk, then that changes the situation entirely. She was raped, and it wasn't an accident, mistake, or lapse in judgment on her part, at all. She needs rape counseling badly.
If it was a drunken mistake, on both their parts, then I would stand by my original opinion. andya definitely needs to find out exactly what happened, and why it happened, because it was no accident either way -- maybe rape or maybe a mistake helped along by alcohol. It all depends on the true circumstances, which we don't yet know.
Re: Helping with guilt sheydp: The guy KNEW she was getting drunk - said he was going to get her home safely - that indicates him taking responsibility for her safety and welfare - as does his calling at 1:30. If he got drunk enough to get that stupid after that, it was still gross negligence on HIS part - but he did manage to get her home, so I suspect he knew what he was doing...
Shey
Re: Helping with guilt snkpack5: I'm with shey on this one. I would casually suggest to her to seek therapy about the experience. If not, perhaps you can arrange for a counselor to make a home visit to talk to her.
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