I really screwed up superwife: So for once, I truly feel like I screwed up in this 'game', and I don't know what I can do now.
Last night my daughter injured her finger. It didn't seem so bad at first, she cried, but shortly after, she seemed okay. Not painful, but still swollen. This morning, it looked pretty bad. Still no pain, moving it, but swollen and discolored. Let me stop and refer to a previous thread I started, as it seems to be a continuing story, unfortunately...
http://ojar.com/boards/index.php/topic,23442.msg218997.html#msg218997
Anyway, I took her to the ER. I did not call her father. I ratonalized all the reasons why I did not, but the bottom line is, I am afraid of him. Not physically, but emotionally. As much as he has screwed up my life, he seems to be so good at finding fault in everything I do. I didn't know when it was the right time to call. I wanted to wait to see what was going on in the ER (whether it was broken or not). Naturally I did not want him there, and I guess it was for selfish reasons. But I know he is trying to 'get me', find something to accuse, or blame, me for. And I just kept putting it off. I called him after we got out (it was a 'chip' in her pinky finger, very minor, they taped it up, and we were out of there). He didn't answer so I left a message. He called back. I am a terrble liar, so I don't even try. Esp since my daughter was well aware that this happened last night, there was no way I could change the story, nor could I have gotten away with it on my own. I have a problem with people who lie (people like my ex).
Needless to say he was not happy. I apologized, as sincerely as I could. I tried making excuses at first (like, I knew he was at work, didn't want to make a big deal around her, etc). Then I just said "you're right. I should have called you. I apologized and said it would never happen again". He said if the reverse would have happened, I would have been on the phone w/ my lawyer. He may be right, I don't know, and that's what I told him. The converation ensued in an argument, b/c he neglected to give me her new insurance info (I get to the ER and they tell me this ins. is invalid). I could have called him right then and got the new info, but I still didn't. He told me this, to which I responded "you're right. I'm sorry", but he failed to communicate this info to me. Of course, he saw nothing wrong with that, and could not apologize for that.
We hang up, he calls me back 5 minutes later (he always does this, as if he has to refer to his prick-ex hsband manual), and says. Make no mistake, I don't care how much it costs, if this ever happens again, we will be in court again, and the custody will change. He's threatened that before, for no good reason (like whan I had to leave her at afterschool or my parents so I could go to work). But now, he can attempt to use this against me. This is the second time she got hurt in my care in as many weeks. She is very active, and very clutsy.
I can't fight this fight anymore. I don't have the mental capacity to do it. She is my baby and I love her with all my heart. I can't put her through psychological evaluations and make her choose (he obviously is not thinking of these things). But I can't bear the thought of her never seeing me again. That selfish SOB thinks nothing of me (or her need to be with her mother). Everyone told me I should have filed for sole custody, but I could not do that to her or him. But he doesn't care.
I am so tired of this. I thought it was getting better, but BAM, I'm back down again.
Is there anything I can do to redeem myself? I don't deserve this pain. Someone please answer.
Re: I really screwed up brokenbaby: I dont have kids, I dont know what to say. I just wanted to offer a (hug). You don't deserve this pain and it seems that every move you have made was for the sake of your daughter and that makes you an incredible mom no matter what he says. Kids are kids, they get hurt. I know I did when I was little.
Re: I really screwed up Trying2Hope: Redeem yourself? There's no law against taking care of your daughter. And unless it's specifically stated in your legal papers, you don't have to tell him every time she scrapes her knee!
Screw him for threatening custody crap. Get a better lawyer and fight it. He's blowing smoke.
And here's an idea ... if he ALWAYS calls back 5 minutes after so he can piss you off by thinking of the worst thing to say ... DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE FIVE MINUTES LATER.
Also, Caller ID works wonders.
Re: I really screwed up superwife: I knew it was him calling. I still have trouble not anwering the phone. I don't know why I answer it. I'm so weak. besides, he'll acuse me of not answering and keeping my daughter from him.
I know this is probably the wrong answer, but I can't even afford the lawyer I have (whose fees are outrageous already). Neither can he, which is the funny thing. And I'm not putting a price on my daughter, but I need to be realistic.
He's saying he wants to have it specifically stated in our agreement. If I fought that, it would look like I'm trying to hide something.
Right now, I feel like I can't be good parent, nom matter how hard i try. I feel like I'm trying too hard.
Broken- thanks for the hug.
Re: I really screwed up charmed: and may I add my hugs (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))
From my perspective it seems your ex corners you. Whatever you do or say, you already know the wrath that will come from him. My ex-husband was like this. This is probably why you feel apprehensive in calling him when something happens. He'll either blast you for not calling or blast you for letting him know what happened and implying you are not taking better care of your daughter. Whatever you do, you pretty much know what his reaction will be and it's always condescending or threatening
Surely he knows that you are a good mother. He lived with you. He seems to have a feeling of superiority and wants to control you or stomp you to the ground.
May I say a$$hole?
I wish you the best-
`charmed
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