Sociopath or just crazy? destroyed28: My mind is so blown away and boggled that I can't seem to think straight and most of the time feel like I'm going crazy.
My husband left me clear out of the blue on January 16th 2005. I thought we had the perfect marriage. Our friends thought we were the perfect couple. We dated for 8 years and were married for 4. I met him when I was 19. We've been trhough 8 months of marriage couceling (Jan 2005 through September 2005). I thought afer 1 month of couseling that we had at least come to the conclusion that a seperation was a bit drastic for the "problems" we had. According to me the only problem we had were his parents (really long story for another time but they are manipulative and selfish to say the least). I was willing to give up the idea of having kids cuase he didn't want them. I was willing to move to another state cause that's what he wanted to do. I was willing to do anything to make this work. Anyway, I thought he would come back home but that didn't happen. Fast forward to December 7th 2005...the night before I am to move out of the house and into the my apartment I get THE PHONE CALL from a girl who leaves a message on my vm. It went a little something like this...Hi, you don't know me but I know you and I also know about what may seem to still be your husbands where abouts and his infidelities over the last year. If you want to talk about it you can call me at...
So needless to say I called her and talked to her for about 3 hours. She gave me more info about their relationship then I ever cared to hear. She only called me cause he broke up with her in September (which is when we stopped counseling) and since he made her promise to never tell me about them...she didn't want him to get away with it. She is basically a bitter girl who wanted to get the last laugh with him. Which I can appreciate cause if she never called me I would still be begging him to come back home thinking everything would work out between the two of us.
He doesn't know that I know about the relationship YET. Every word that came out of his mouth over the last 12 months has been a lie. I realize he doesn't care about me. I wonder if he ever loved me. Apparently he works with this slut and tried to hook up with her 2 months before we got married on a business trip they had together. How do you spend 13 years together and not love them? I feel like it was all just a lie. The whole marriage..a lie.
So I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and blown into 5 million pieces. I can't seem to get my mind around this. Why would he drag me trhough 8 months of marriage couseling all the while going home to her. If he wanted a divorce he should have just filed the papers. He already doesn't care about my feelings so why would filing the papers bother him. He is the biggest coward I've ever met. He runs away from every problem he's ever had. I've never heard so many lies in my life. I believed every one of them. Of course hindsight is 2020 but I just feel so incredibly stupid. Love is blind but jesus... How could I love someone like this. Why do people change like that? I don't understand. I am a good person. I loved him with all my heart and soul. I supported him in everything he wanted to do. The betrayal is so unbeleivable. He's certainly not the person I married but I can still hear his voice. It's him...but not really. People say with time your heart will heal. It's been a year now and I feel worse now then I did when he left. When will it get better? I had no idea the human body could hurt this bad. I just want to feel numb. The hurt is too much. It's just cruel. Don't drag my as* through counseling if you know it's not gonna work anyway. Why waste my time. GOD, WHY?????? What did I do to diserve this kind of treatment. I am going to explode if I don't tell him soon.
Re: Sociopath or just crazy? Trying2Hope: [quote author=destroyed28 link=topic=24100.msg225097#msg225097 date=1137284908">
So I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and blown into 5 million pieces. [/quote">
Oh Jesus. Another one.
Welcome to OJAR. Have a cup of coffee and sit down. Want a blanket?
** shaking his head **
It'll take some time for you to calm down. I know it's tough. The good news is you'll get through it in time. Also, a lot of people here will support you.
My best advice for you right now is to go to a friend, get some support, and prepare yourself. Call any friend you can. Move out and go to mother's if you have to. Brace yourself in a supporting environment of love.
You are in the stage I call the "Immediately Preceding The Shit Hitting The Fan" stage.
Cover up. It's about to get messy.
Re: Sociopath or just crazy? tracy: Wow, what and a**hole.... I am so sorry that you are going through this; I know it hurts a lot!!!! I have been there too... My story is a little different, but I know the feeling of betrayal. Just stay strong and talk to someone about this immediately, you need friends or family to support you. I am finally getting stronger each day that goes by. I don't know your religion background, but church seemed to help me a lot, pray to God he does answer prayers....
Good luck sweetie, if you need someone to talk to I am here.
Tracy
Don't forget :what goes around, comes around... He will get his one day!
Re: Sociopath or just crazy? destroyed28: I have moved out into an apartment. I got the phone call from the other woman the night beofre I moved out. I have great friends but none of them thankfully have ever been through what I am going through...not even close. It's nice to be able to talk to people who understand the pain. My family is supportive but they just want me to get over it and move on. They want to see me happy but they don't understand what I have to go through in order to get there. I've never lived on my own. I am 32 and just paid bills for the first time on my own this month. I moved out of my parents house and in with my husband. I wouldn't consider myslef spoiled but lucky. The biggest area of luck in my life is that I didn't have kids with this jerk. BUt 13 years inthis relationship is almost half my life. I wake up every morning and wonder where I went wrong. I am still blaming myself even though I didn't do anything wrong. He had an awful relationship with his mother which should have been my first red flag. He agrees I didn't do anything wrong. What I'm trying to figure out is why he thought it was better to drag me through 8 months of marriage counseling with no fighting chance then to just file the freakin papers and move on. He put me through a year of hell...in fact actual hell might be nicer then what I'm currently going through. I believe what comes around goes around and he will get his. I actually think if he died it would have been easier for me. BUt for now he is out having fun with his friends, going to comedy clubs, movies, parties. All the while I am sitting at home crying every day for the last 365 days trying to figure out how to get up in the morning and remain functional.
I will hopefully tell him today that I know about his relationship with the slut and that I am filing for divorce under adultry and asking for everything and then some in the papers. I can't hold it in anymore. Even if I have to just slip the papers under his door. He is avoiding me and wont return my phone calls. It's his way of not dealing with things he doesn't want to. Heaven for bid he gets stressed out. I should get my umbrella out cause the sh*t is about to hit the fan.
THanks for the replies. Just knowing someone is listening is helpful.
Re: Sociopath or just crazy? poppy: hi destroyed. i know what you are feeling and i am so sorry. like you, i have always felt lucky (maybe a little spoiled, but that isn't our fault- it's the fault of the spoiler ;) ). a poster who hasn't been around for awhile, dharma dum, spoke a lot about karma. he said that sometimes we can have too much good karma banked, so we get knocked down to even things out (sorry if i mangled that, dharma bum!). i was thinking about it just last night. that it was so unfair that i had an awesome life for 29 years, to be thrown this curve ball. why not a little bad karma come earlier so that i could become inured to it? i don't say this to make you feel worse about your situation. however, if you believe that, you will know that your husband will suffer as well.
i don't know what to say to you about confronting him about the affair. when i first arrived here i read what everyone said about how to handle situations- and i did the exact opposite. not on purpose, but because it is human nature. i still want to call my stbx daily and chew him out about his affair, but it will do no good. i will feel worse. he will continue his affair w/o regard for me. if you think you will get satisfaction out of confronting him, do it. personally, i was more satisfied with the surprise attack by my attorney.
congratulations on doing things on your own.
there are no satisfactory explanations for your husband's behavior, there never will be. unless you find the mother ship that abducted him.
take care and sorry you're here.
