Forward or Backward brokenbaby: ???
Went back to school yesterday. Stayed at the same place my stbxh and I always stayed. Attended classes last night and all day today. Cried when I got to my room. Laughed through class and enjoyed seeing my classmates again. Cried until I fell asleep. Cried when I woke up. Couldnt focus most of the day, ate lunch and had a good time with my classmates. Spaced out for the 2 hour foggy drive home, almost hitting a guardrail. Got home and sat down and cried.
Am I moving forward or backwards here? I thought going back to school would help but if he supported me on anything it was this. Well that is until he convinced me to quit my well paying job with promises to support me through my education, the most important thing right now and then walking out a month later...
For awhile I think I am strong and then the euphoria wears off and I am void of all feeling again. And I just keep wondering am I really moving forward? Is this getting any better?
Ramble, ramble, ramble. What scared me the most was the fleeting feeling of regret after my instinct took over and steered me away from the guardrail...
Re: Forward or Backward jadedangel: [color=navy"> It's a lil bit of both ... so your probably maintaining your balance right in the middle. Of course it is going to be hard -- your going back and finding memories obviously ..... that meant something strongly. The backward part of it all -- you have to go through it ... to really move forward.
You are moving forward though ... you said so yourself.... You are going back to school ... you are eating ... you had a GOOD time with your friends. It's just moving slow ...
You have to keep trying ... you have to keep going .. otherwise you will end up somewhere you never wanted to be ... It comes in small steps ... either way --- your making them. Hang in there.[/color">
Re: Forward or Backward brokenbaby: Thanks Jaded. It is always nice to hear that you are not going to lose your mind. That even though you are crying when you think you are doing something good for yourself it is still right.
A lot of my life I saw things as all or nothing. I've learned over years that nothing is really like that but I am still having such a hard time grasping all of this. The frustration and desperation I feel is overwhelming sometimes. And then there are moments of peace and I fear it is because I am still holding dillusions that he will come back.
