Hoping for some help LOST1977: I have been feeling so horrible. I have not posted in awhile but I was hoping to get any insight if there is any available. Short story...Told wife we have a problem a huge disconnect about six months ago. Find out she was happy with the situation. No cheating or abuse or even arguing. I have had these feeling for over a year now we seem to be roomates. Well I started therapy and convinced her to come a couple of months later. Well we have not been back to therapy since the begining on Decemeber. And that was the last time things were discussed. I sit here today and i feel all alone. I am really scared. I cant place my hand around what is going on in my life. I have really put forth effort and tried to make things better. I can not really see it from her though. The physical attraction is there for both but anything beyond that there really is nothing. At least that is how i see it. I find myself not wanting to be around her. We went out with friends the last couple of weekends and it seems I am there alone. There is no interaction from her to me or to the group. I keep running things through my head and I hate not having any clue on what to do. My therapist told me one time that i could have made a mistake marrying her. Is it possible I could make such a huge mistake? How can one do that to a person, it is just not me. She also told us both that the way we are going we are not going to make it. Are we or am I just buying time? And why now do I feel all alone?
Re: Hoping for some help threetimeloser: You do not give many details about why you do not feel the same way for her. In my case, I was married to a woman who was a socialite. She enjoyed being with her friends and family more than me. I always felt like I was third in priority. One day I realized that since she was hardly at home and I was practically living alone, I no longer loved her. Had I instead followed into her world and acted more like her, we probably would still be married today. Instead I was more into one-on-one interaction with my partner.
Do you guy have something that you can share? Do you remember what was it that attracted you to her in the first place? Does she still have it?
I can't say that getting with her was a mistake. How can we gauge that beforehand. What is important is what can be done from this point on. You still have a life to live and if you cannot accept the life with your partner then maybe you should move on. But if there still is a posibility that you can find togetherness, fight for it.
Re: Hoping for some help C-Note: You are not alone in your situation. Nothing is impossible. If you want to stay with your wife then keep at it. Don't give up. Make changes and take the initiative. Hell even doctors can't determine most problems people have physically so they treat symptoms. If you feel alone then find ways to do more things together. If there is no interaction between you two then find a way to interact. Just wanting isn't enough you have to fight for it.
C-Note
Re: Hoping for some help Irony:
Hey lost...
I hear you loud and clear.
If I had it to do over, and were in your situation (which I was) I'd ask wife to go with me to a marriage workshop weekend..
There are lots of them around, some good, some gooder than others..
Its a great way to get things out in an intensive, non threatening way.
PM me if you'd like.. I'm here for you.
iron man
Re: Hoping for some help LOST1977: I will try to give more details. First I see we have commuication problem. Will will be married for three years in March. I think of it as a slow moving disease. We do are own things. I mean I have never been told "no" to any thing. Want to go out...go out then.... want to buy a boat..... go ahead. No is not in her dictionary. Dont get me wrong that is nice in most cases but i have never heard it. We get along ok but there does not seem to be the emotional passionate side. I swear we are roomates. I have fought waht i think is good fight. I try and try. I have thought and tried of things to spice things up. From spendinding time to little surprises to big surprises. THings to show I care. But for some reason I keep coming back to how I feel. Like something is missing. I feel it is only me fighting for what i think is right. IT was such a huge deal to get het to go to therapy i am afraid to bring it up to her again. I dont want to hurt her. I try to interact but most of the time it seems fake. We can sit through a dinner out and only say a few sentences to each other the whole night. Am i at a point that i can not be fixed? Why does it feel like all me? If she is content am I fighting a lossing battle to change things?
Click More for the next page.
