Re: Can't do it anymore... reck: [quote author=dragonfly link=topic=24563.msg230928#msg230928 date=1138154100">
[quote author=reck link=topic=24563.msg230912#msg230912 date=1138153108">
if i could have loved her.....i can love anybody ;D
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Thanks for the smile Reck... :)
I don't know that I've given up on love entirely, but I have given up on feeling the same depth of love I did for him...I don't know that it's possible now...I think the love I felt was so innocent and pure..
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Well that is understandable....getting screwed over is bound to take a little of the gloss of the love :)
These things definantly destroy your innocence, I look at my nearly 80 year old parents and envy them living their lives with it in tack ……you learn a lot about yourself and life from all this , but I frankly could have done without it ;)
But one thing has surprised me. If before I had known what was going to happen to me, I would have predicted that I would have turned very bitter at the world after being the target of such evil, but it seems to have done the oposite. I feel I seek out the good in people more than I used too, and if it isnt readily apparent, I will give them the benefit of the doubt.
Re: Can't do it anymore... dragonfly: I hope I can learn to do the same...some days I feel more myself than ever, strong, happy, confident, assured...just as optimistic if not more than I ever was...but then there are the moments...those gosh darn moments that come creeping in when I least expect it...Jealousy, Anger, Regret, Pain, Heartache....and those are the times I struggle with the bitterness that rises in my throat. I swallow it down, but I'm so afraid there might come a day that I can't swallow it anymore...that it will win and consume me.
Re: Can't do it anymore... reck: [quote author=dragonfly link=topic=24563.msg231003#msg231003 date=1138156863">
I hope I can learn to do the same...some days I feel more myself than ever, strong, happy, confident, assured...just as optimistic if not more than I ever was...but then there are the moments...those gosh darn moments that come creeping in when I least expect it...Jealousy, Anger, Regret, Pain, Heartache....and those are the times I struggle with the bitterness that rises in my throat. I swallow it down, but I'm so afraid there might come a day that I can't swallow it anymore...that it will win and consume me.
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The more you write the more im sure you have been effected in a similar fashion to me.....even after a year, a thought will flash across my mind and the gut wrenching feelings you mention flood back....but you do get quicker at fending them off :)
Nothing in life prepares you for this thing that causes us so much pain.
The best way to answer this challenge is to survive and flourish….you have no choice, you weren't the one that broke the trust…do you think its right that he lives happily and you don’t?,
I think not. :)
