Re: Tell her I'm separated before, after or during first date? azsundevil30: So cmuelle1, how'd it go? I ask b/c I am in the exact same situation except this will be the first time I've dropped the bomb. Like you, just wondering what the most constructive way is to broach the subject but avoid the girl shaped hole in the door as she bolts. all I keep imagining is having a good time and then as we leave being like, oh yeah by the way . . . . Hope it went well for you, it may give me hope.
Re: Tell her I'm separated before, after or during first date? shockedandamazed: I would tell her immediately, when I first met this guy that I am really interested in, granted it was at a bar, but we each spilled our stories in a matter of 30 minutes...then we exchanged phone numbers and talked on the phone for an hour before we set our first date. So, going into the first date, I knew his story, he knew mine, there were no surprises.
I don't think waiting to spring it on her is a good idea. I know, for myself I had set a certain number of ground rules and if the divorce freaks a girl out, it freaks her out...plain and simple.
Re: Tell her I'm separated before, after or during first date? cmuelle1: Well, the date itself wasn't amazing, but telling her about my situation didn't seem to be as hoffific as I'd feared. I told her later in the date, it just didn't feel like good dinner conversation. It came up really naturally. She's from Italy and we were talking about her citizenship status. A green card was a factor in my marriage, so I told her about it that and how we had married a bit hastily to keep my ex in the country and things just didn't work out. She seemed interested in hearing about it, but not really that freaked out. However, I didn't really get any signals that she's that interested in me throughout the evening, even before I told her, so I may have been worrying for nothing. We have vague plans to get together again, but I don't have any real expectations. I'm glad I got it out in the open, regardless, and I'll do the same with anyone else. Good luck, azsundevil30. My advice is to be completely honest about it as soon as you can, but keep in mind that the last thing you want to do is complain about your ex or make it seem like there are lingering issues with the relationship. Tell her the truth, but make it clear that it's in the past and you're more interested in the future...
