Re: Tell her I'm separated before, after or during first date? phairestofthemall: If I had faith that someone was irrevocably divorced in their mind/heart I wouldn't care at all if the official documents were still in the works, it is just paper. That said though, I feel pending proceedings are definitely worth mentioning pretty quick, b/c at least for me they're my number 1 priority ATM and rarely not on my mind. I've been putting people off b/c of it actually, b/c if/when I go out with someone I want to give them proper attention and be good company, not preoccupied and stressed, if that makes any sense. So email is all I'm comfy with right now, and when I tell people my deal, some do just bail, but most don't. And that's fine with me, b/c I doubt the insensitive ones would be any different later, glad to have picked them off so early.
Re: Tell her I'm separated before, after or during first date? turboss: I would tell her immediately...if she is truly interested in you, and a good woman...it won't freak her out so much that she does not want to talk to you anymore and if she doesn't want to go out until after the divorce is completely over then she can wait a few more months to give it a shot....
Good luck
Turboss
Re: Tell her I'm separated before, after or during first date? cmuelle1: Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I have a first date with someone I really like next week and I don't want to scare her off. We just met and haven't talked much yet. I'm tempted to see if another date is a possibilty before shooting myself in the foot, but I guess I'll take my chances and tell her when the moment is right. She's younger than me (26) so I have a feeling it won't go over too well. Guess that's just the reality of my situation...
Re: Tell her I'm separated before, after or during first date? dgiirl: i think you should tell her before asking for a second date. she might feel that you hid the information to get a second date. just bring it up casually. it's nothing to be ashamed of. EVERYone has a past, whether it's marriage or past long term relationships. What scares me are the guys who are 30+ and the longest relationship they ever had was 10 months. red flag?
Re: Tell her I'm separated before, after or during first date? picadilly: Typcially the first date is where you want to spring that kind of thing on her, like Dgiirl said, she may get mad at you for hiding these things if it comes up later. First date conversation may or may not lead towards a bit of history on your part and on her's, I suppose it should come out there. While I'm sure you don't want to scare her off, she has every right to know that you are not divorced yet & are still married, you need to give her that information so she can decide for herself if she wants to get involved with you.
It's selfish to want to keep info like this away from her just because you like her, you take away her right to choose if she wants a relationship or not with a seperated man.
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