i miss him imisshim: Hey everybody a little bit about me i'm 26 years old and have been married 5 years to my high school sweetheart . we dated 6 years before that. he is 24. All of our friends thought everthing was perfect... we were the perfect couple... anyway... we got pregnant with twins and lost them... and i lost myself too... i mean... i was very depressed and he basicly lost his wife that day.... he was always reaching out to me. and its like i didn't even feel him.... i never felt his kiss... his touch....
he wanted his wife and i wasn't there.....
anyway two years after the miscarriage he got a trucking job and i was devestated.. i mean what guy would actually want a job that makes him away from his wife....
he called and said he was feeling differently.... so i said its probubly because your away from home and you just havent been away from me...
about two weeks later he realized thats what he was feeling and came home on his leave...
he said he loved me... fell in love with me all over again... didn't ever want to leave me blah blah
well then his next driver was a woman... he co drived... ok this scared the shit out of me...
well he didn't call for a week... and then when he did he said.. ok i just dont want to be married.... i dont love you.. i want a divorce
I died that day....
i died
i love him... how could he do this... well i told him that he was married until he came home.. that just taking off his ring didn't mean he wasn't married...
well he came home thanksgiving.... and he couldn't even sleep with me...
i mean i cried and went into the other room and he didn't follow me...
he went back on the truck and slept with her... he actually slept with someone else... again he's 24 shes 35!!!!!
well then he quit trucking because he kept fainting... found out he was a diabetic... and he moved into his grandparents house... this was in early december....
well i met with him... we kissed.... it was weird.. because i feel like i'm myself again... i actually felt him kiss me and actually felt his hands on me.... it was crazy intense...
we didn't have sex that night but things happened....
well he went home to his grandparents and the next day he told me that he felt like he cheated on HER WITH ME!!!!
i was like... honey.. i'm your wife!! your cheating on me with her!!!!
anyway so i kept calling him telling him i loved him... blah blah.. didn't call me on christmas so i called him a couple of days after and said i things for him and wanted to bring them to him... he said sure ...
so i went over.... i wanted him to touch me so bad... so i kind of you know made him touch me... being flirty and all.. well we had sex... well we didn't even have sex... i guess we had relations with each other.... i mean i was his whole for the night.
Never in my life have i felt so bad.. i mean i didn't feel anything.. i felt like my husband was gone forever....
so i didn't talk to him for 20 days.... and then i called him cause my lawyer said i had to to get him to sign the papers.... anyway i was like how can you not talk to me in 20 days... and he said he wanted to but he was scared
why would he be scared?
then i said how can you not miss me or anything about me.. not think about me at all!!!
and he goes.. i think about you everyday!!! i miss you everyday!!! i miss your hands... your lips.. your eyes... your dimples... your smile... the way you made me feel.... your personality... waking up next to you.... wrapping my arms around you while your cooking.. putting my hand on your knee when i drive!
and i was like umm.... ok... and he goes but they are memories tash.. just memories and thats all they will ever be....
and i said you never loved me.. and he cried... i love you he said... my wife died tho... and i loved her
OK so... this pisses me off because since all this has happened it woke me up you know... it made me come back to my senses and i'm that person he married again.... i'm that fun person who doesnt care a thing what anybody thinks.... who can kiss him in public and not care...
and i told him... you know it upsets me because you say all these things you loved about me i have again steven! but you choose not to see that and you choose not to love me...
and he said i can see how that would upset you
and i said.. dont you want to meet her???
you want to choose not to love her before you even see the changes in me?
he said he thinks he wants to see......
and that he's terrified to see me and talk to me...
i asked him why and he said he doesnt know... i asked if it was because he thinks he might feel something??
he said maybe
and then he said we needed to sign the papers so we can both get on with our lives...
and i said.. not talking to me in 20 days.,.. your already on with your life...
so help.... what do i do
Re: i miss him sadgirl951: Aaaww sweetey I'm so sorry you lost your children. I know that must have been so hard for you. Besos(kisses) to your poor heart. Even when I am not able to have kids myself, I understand how devasting that is. Loving the man that gave you two precious breathes of life, even when they were tragically taken away, is completely understandable and completely right.
Re: i miss him imisshim: yes i do feel that i need to hang on to him....
since after i lost the boys he held on to me for 2 years... waiting for the woman he fell in love with to come back
and to be honest... i wasnt here.... and him leaving is what snapped me out of it.... what made me open my eyes... get out of the god hates me mode and i'm never gonna be happy frame of mind...
and now that i'm back... its weird... cause i want to kiss him and touch him and tell him how much i love him.. but he's confused....
so i dont know...
Re: i miss him bleedingheart: Sometimes all we need is space to clear our mind. I didn't realize how much my wife meant to me until we separated. Now i wished i would have given her all the love and attention that she gave me over the last 10 years. You live and you learn, right?
BH
Re: i miss him dragonfly: Oh darlin, my heart aches for you terribly...mostly because there are so many similiarities between our two stories. I wish I had some sage advice to share, but just know that you're not alone and that if he CHOOSES not to get to know you again and save your marriage, then you just need to take care of you.
Sending much love and hugs your way.
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