Re: Why Do They Cheat, Get Caught, Leave But Refuse to Divorce jojo: its not about being in love by then its about control, they want to be centre of your world,
Re: Why Do They Cheat, Get Caught, Leave But Refuse to Divorce Lumpy: Maybe she's just lazy. Who knows. BTW, she can't refuse divorce. You can (and should) push it through. File for an uncontested divorce and set the terms. If she doesn't respond she's screwed and you're still divorced...
Re: Why Do They Cheat, Get Caught, Leave But Refuse to Divorce turning leaf: She's probably too cheap to file. Maybe she has economic reasons. Not to mention NOT IN A HURRY TO GET MARRIED AGAIN.
If you can't live like that, why don't *you* file? If she does not like the terms on your petition, she does not have any choice but to contest. If she's agreeable, then you both sign a marital settlement agreement.
You don't have to be the cheater to file for divorce.
Re: Why Do They Cheat, Get Caught, Leave But Refuse to Divorce dragonfly: I've wondered this myself.
My ex, cheated, got her pregnant, moved in together and for all in tense and purpose, had moved on and made it clear he no longer loved nor wanted me, our marriage, any of it...yet, he never took steps to file and when I finally got the nerve to do it (after struggling with the - am I doing the right thing, I don't really want a divorce, but what choice has he left me with conversations with myself), he stonewalled me every chance he got. I filed for an uncontested divorce and during one of our "negotiation" sessions, he broke down and cried, asking me "why are you doing this?", "why do you want a divorce?" "I thought you loved me and wanted to work on saving our marriage, why do you want this?"
I remember staring at him in utter disbelief and very calmly said..."let me get this straight, you have made it clear you no longer love me, don't want to be my husband, that you're in love with K (OW), she's pregnant with your child, you're living together, but you want to know why I'm doing this?"
I made it clear to him that he'd left me with no other choice. As much as I wanted to save our marriage, find a way back to eachother and the man I fell in love with, even find a way to work past the affair and deal with his child by her, how could I continue to be married to a man living with another woman and who has told me that our marriage is just a technicality...
All he could do was shake his head and say over and over, "you just don't understand"...and I kept saying, "help me understand then".
I really think it was a "grass is greener" situation with her, but he got stuck when she turned up pregnant and there was a question whether it was his or her husbands. He was a good man at one time, his behavior was completely out of charachter for him, and what ever pushed him in that direction, I think reality eventually creeped in and as much as he felt like he had to do the "right" thing by this woman he got pregnant, he realized what he'd destroyed in the process. I think trying to hang on to the marriage while seeing this thing through with her was his way of riding the fence until he could figure out which was the right path. But I took the control out of his hands and pushed him onto her side of the fence...I'd given him enough chances and he continued to stay with her...that was answer enough for me after a while and I went ahead with the divorce. It's been final for about 5months and they're still together, raising their son, building a new home and she's still not even divorced yet from her husband.
I know I made the right decision even though I sometimes still have doubts and do the whole "what if" thing.
Do yourself a favor...take control of your life back. ;)
Re: Why Do They Cheat, Get Caught, Leave But Refuse to Divorce ga_sunshyne: Dragonfly...
U sure we weren't married to the same man???? Mine didn't get anyone pregnant but still proclaims his love for me, but caanot understand why I won't move forward....Ure living with the OW you numbnut!!!!!!! Why should I or would I believe anything u say or have ever said to me????
I personally think ure right, the grass is greener scenario quickly changes...the relationship loses that thrill once you don't have to lie to have your fun....
Now he worries about what I am doing, where I'm doing it, and with whom.
Kinda like sticking a cigarette to a worm....squirm a little for me now!!!
Click More for the next page.
