Falling Backwards.... wendieann: I am so confused right now and I don't understand why! ??? Do I want my STBXH back? Not the way he was of course, but I still have this stupid vision that it "could" be different etc! :-[ Isn't that stupid!!!
I feel like I am falling backwards and my heart is trying to step ahead of my brain... :'( I know my relationship wasn't healthy for me or the kids... But my heart misses him. I still love him. :'(
I know I will get over this feeling... ;)
I can't even believe that my eyes are swelling up with tears thinking about my STBXH!!!! :'( Meanwhile the last several weeks/months I have been doing soo good!?? ???
The deadly, "what if", "maybe", "I should of", "we could of", "the kids", etc.etc. are flooding my mind... :-\
Even the "marriage counselling" or "mediation" is sneaking around my head! :-\
Why? He never wanted too... >:(
I know that my feelings of wanting to all of a sudden be a super nice person to my STBXH has alterative motives to it... :( I know that I would only be doing "nice" things to try and convince him I am okay, and maybe he would miss me.... :( I KNOW THAT.... :(
This feeling shall pass... I know... :( I wish I could shut my heart off to him... I miss being calling him my "husband"... I seldom used his name. :'(
Okay... I have to get back on track.
He is living with someone else. He did take my name off his benefits and replace it with the OW's.....
sigh...get a grip...anyone feel this way sometimes???
Re: Falling Backwards.... brokenbaby: Yes I do. It is normal!
I miss the man I wanted my stbxh to be. The one I married. My brain is always scheming and trying to read into things.
I make a conscious effort to tell it to stop and redirect my thoughts. Its all I can do.
(hugs)
Re: Falling Backwards.... wendieann: [quote author=Not So broken baby link=topic=25000.msg236147#msg236147 date=1138907186">
My brain is always scheming and trying to read into things.
(hugs)
[/quote">
I haven't had any physical contact at all with my STBXH since Sept 01/2005! I know I will break down when I do see him...
However, why after 6 months am I even THINKING about it!! ??
frustrating...he was my husband, and I miss being his wife... :'(
Re: Falling Backwards.... brokenbaby: Nov 30th for me except for court. It isnt easy and six months is not that long...
You'll get there.
Stay strong.
