definition of an affair? vjsauce: my hubby has been carrying on with this for a while. i was trying to always get over the fact that he cheated on me. i know i shouldn't even have to that or anyone else. but yesterday i seemed to be thinking about it even more. then today i felt like that is what is was. of course he says "how can it be an affair when we don't even live in the same state?" for over 2 yrs he has gone back and forth between me and this ow. when we split up he says there are other girls. i guess there are but she is always there to. since april everytime we get intoa argument i find out later that they have been talking. recently i found a love letter to her. i have a bunch of other excuses for that one. but now i know that there have been calls, he erases them, and hides phone bills, emails that he gets at work. and now letters. is it right to think that if he hides things from me repeatedly with the same person, lies to my face when i ask him if he has heard from her that i am right in feeling like this. i just don't see how he can deny something that... he tries to tell me that she is not the reason for what is happening to us. he once told me that he doesn't like to burn bridges. the last thing i want to do is bring up something that will hurt anyone but i feel like i need to know if this is what it is? does this make me stupid?
Re: definition of an affair? Scott: Tell your man to stop watching the movie "Road Trip" with Tom Green and other actors. In the movie they stated about the out of state rule on cheating. It doesn't matter if he was in the same country or not. It's still considered adultery.
Re: definition of an affair? vjsauce: i think my mind and heart have finally had enough. i don't want to be with him anymore. i never felt that before. no matter what i always wanted to stay with him. i was planning on leaving tomorrow but my daughter has a school dance next fri she really wants to go to. so i am right in believing this is an affair right?
Re: definition of an affair? reck: my counciller said "any thing that takes emotions away from the marriage"
not that i like quoting that charleton :) but it pretty much summed it up
Re: definition of an affair? lightseeker: This sounds like familiar territory. My wife isn't as disrespectful as your H about this, but not too different. My wife has an old friend in another state and I believe her when she says that they do not have a relationship - nothing physical. I trust her integrity on that. But, she does not seem to understand that when you shift your emotional "center" from your spouse to another person that that basically is cheating. After all, cheating isn't necessarily physical, cheating can be "cheating" the primary relationship of its value. It's one of those issues where the scoundrel maybe hasn't violated the letter of the marriage vows (and maybe has), but has certainly voilated the spirit of the vows. Just like congressmen who don't do things that are illegal, but certainly do things that might be considered unethical. When one partner starts splitting hairs on the concept of fidelity to the marriage, he is not worthy of your love and committment. There are plenty of decent partners in the world that take their vows seriously, in the spirit they were intended. It's too bad that the good ones often don't end up together and instead end up being hurt by the bad apples. He is not only cheating you, but if he has a consience, he can not be feeling good about himself. I really feel for you. If I could offer you strength, I would. You sound like a good person. You may have to give up on him (if that's the conclusion you come to), but NEVER give up on yourself. My best... N
