One step forward, two steps back? bkg: I feel like my wife just left. I'm back in the disbelief and bargaining phases all over again. And I'm physically ill. I still can't believe she left, and I honestly can't pull myself up enough to know it's going to get better. Intellectually, I know... emotionally I am a wreck.
All that I know, with all that I am, is how much I love her... and how badly I want our relationship back. And knowing that it isn't going to happen is the most painful thing I've ever experienced... And I can't seem to come to grips with it this week...
In all honesty, I'm scared. Scared of not having her in my life. Scared of not getting through this. Scared of getting over her or not missing her. Scared, it seems, of everything. And that's not me - that's not normal for me....
Guess I'm just dumping to get it out...
Re:One step forward, two steps back? faegonsgold: *big hugz b*
It's ok to feel scared--I think we've all felt that at some point. Some of us still do. Continue to dump whenever you need to. We're all here for ya and care about ya!
Re:One step forward, two steps back? Safetykc: It's ok B-man...
Cycling is natural...The stages aren't like a straight line where you go through them in order or only at once...
Sometimes you do, sometimes they are all together...Sometimes you are back at square one.
Just hold tight and remember you are not alone...
Let it out if you need too...
But someone told me once, and I didn't want to hear it at the time because I was hurting so bad...was that the only thing permenant is death...maybe something would or could happen with you're STBX one day and maybe not... The future is unwritten and that is the beauty of it.
But you will not spend the rest of you're life alone even if you feel like you might right now and miss what you had so much.
Just hang in there and take it day by day my friend.
Stay Strong
Safety
Re:One step forward, two steps back? Lumpy: Hey bkg, my heart goes out to you. Just about everytime you post it seems to mirror my own feelings. I think Safety is bang on about the cyclical thing. Everytime I feel that I've gained some new insight into my situation I end up blindsiding myself emotionally. :-X
Guess it's all about the babysteps at this point. Put one foot in front of the other....and soon you'll be walking out the door! Stay sane bro'.
Re:One step forward, two steps back? bkg: Thanks, guys... I appreciate it.
I find myself missing my ex more than I can ever put into words. I know I wasn't a great husband - I'm slowly coming to terms with that - but she was still all I ever dreamed about and wanted in a mate. There are times I would give anything just to hear her voice again - I miss her that much. So this week has sucked, and I can only pray that next week is better....
I'll say this. I've realized, too late, that she's an amazing woman. Beautiful, fun, full of life. And I loved that about her, but let myself forget that I loved her because of this, not in spite of this. It absolutely amazes me how stupid we can be, as humans. We spend years, sometimes even decades, hoping for something, and when we get it, we take it all for granted. Never again... never again will I take for granted the love of an amazing woman.... never again.
I don't know what the future brings, and as Safety said, it's wide open. But I know this: I love that woman... and if there's even a slight opening in that door, I'm going through it full steam ahead... and I'm locking it behind me. :D ;D
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