Re: Still Feel That I Have To Confront The OM; Did He Take My Dignity? random5: I would like to give the OM a good punch in the face. Thats all. ;D
Re: Still Feel That I Have To Confront The OM; Did He Take My Dignity? dgiirl: Konan, think about this. What message are you giving to your exw and the om if you just show up on their doorstep to confront him after so much time? I dont think you'll get your dignity back that way. I think you'll lose more because you'll just tell them that you are STILL bothered by it. That you havent moved on. That you are still angry. That you've wasted 16 months thinking about them. I understand that you're still angry. I understand how it feels that they never had to face any repercussions, that it didnt seem like you had a voice to speak out, how it doesnt seem to be fair and that it was injustice what they did to you. But unfortunately, that's what happen, and it's been 16 months! You need to let it go. Write yourself a letter. Write them a letter. Get the anger out, but let them be. You dont know what's happening in their lives right now, and the least you know the better off you are. Focus on you. You're a good looking guy. You seem to have a lot going for you. Dont get caught up in the bitterness and ruin your chances of finding someone a lot better for you.
Re: Still Feel That I Have To Confront The OM; Did He Take My Dignity? 21218: you retained dignity by walking away.
what would asserting yourself have accomplished? nothing. I wrote mean, nasty, angry letters to my wife ... I called up the ex guys and talked to them ... and did it get me anything? No. If I hadn't done it, i suppose I would wonder "what if" ... but coming from someone who has done EVERYTHING they felt like they wanted to do, it didn't do anything. it didn't make her come back, it didn't make her sorry, it didn't make him give a shit.
put yourself in your position? what would YOU do if your next S/O's ex tried to confront you a million years after it was over?
on some level you're expecting something out of this in which they are going to have to play some sort of scripted role ... it's never going to happen. you will never get what you want, you'll either get too much or too little ... you're not going to get anything positive out of it. you won't.
Re: Still Feel That I Have To Confront The OM; Did He Take My Dignity? dontgetit: I would suggest the only time he would be taking your dignity is this time - if you confront him 16 months out...........it is almost silly.....
Here is my take on this, you absolutely did the right thing - you took the high road and frankly your ex probably wonders about things....so let her wonder.
I agree that this guy could probably give a rats a** about you and would probably just make comments that could only belittle you.....
If you have moved on then let it go - frankly she was only stolen if she was available to be stolen, if she loved you she would have never looked at another man....
I like you have chosen the high road (I honestly will have nothing to do with either my stbxw or the guy) - they do not command my respect, attention or nor do I feel it would accomplish anything - I have NEVER given a single sign that I could care less.....by doing so wourld acknowledge I was devistated.......
Re: Still Feel That I Have To Confront The OM; Did He Take My Dignity? Konan: dgiirl: That was very, very helpful, thanks a lot. The last thing I want to do when I'm trying to preserve my dignity is to actually lose it. BTW, just curious, but how do you know what I look like??
21218: Man, thanks for pointing out that I did something to retain my dignity, i.e., walking away. And I think I can learn from your experience - seems you've been down this road. I take it that when you talked to the other guys it didn't do a thing for YOU?
dontgetit: Thank you, too, that is helpful. Sometimes "doing the right thing" is just not as satisfying. I have not talked with my X in about 8 months, though she has called and emailed. I never begged and made any scenes. Of course I shed some tears with her, and early on I told her that I was willing to try to work it out, but no begging or screaming or calling all the time. I'm glad I said that, even though she did not care to try, because I would have regretted not saying it, and now to the extent there is any "wondering" going on, she's the one doing it, she knows she's the one who didn't want to try.
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