Re:A really DUMB GUY!!! ChristyM: I also tried to "avoid" the situation and try and let things find their own natural place, but it didn't work. He somehow kept thinking that I welcomed his intrusions into my life - calling to tell me about the child support check, wanting to stop by and drop stuff off and e-mailing me so we could keep up contact and be friends. I realized that I needed to finally lay it on the line. I knew I didn't want contact with him so why was saying the words so difficult? Never really figured that one out. It has been easier since the contact has been reduced, that's for sure.
Ultimately nothing good comes from constantly revisiting those feelings.
Re:A really DUMB GUY!!! PiscesGoddess: Ok Bob..i was alerted to your post by the ojar authorities..LOL.. Only you ..or Safety..could drag my tired tooth achin butt out here.. :P
You did the right thing man, this woman has dragged you through hell and back again..I know you feel bad for making her cry..but jeez..thats just another one of her ploys and you know it.. I dont want to be harsh..but you know I have walked this road with you for a looong time.. You are to great of a man to let her take another ounce of your goodness out of you..
You are good enough, smart enough, and doggone it.. I like you!!! ;D
Sorry about the phone.. guess mine wont be ringing for awhile huh? LOL...
Bout time you set your boundaries with that sleestack... I know it hurts.. I know it feels strange.. but it will get better... Promise me you will write on the OJAR blackboard 100X.. THE BEST CONTACT IS NO CONTACT AT ALL!!
And remember..always BELIEVE ;)
HUGs and HUGs
Pisces G.
Re:A really DUMB GUY!!! Lumpy: The title of your post should be A really nice guy! Let me get this straight Bobinator. You send her a check in her hour of need and you feel bad about cursing at her? You feel guilty about telling the sleestak that stepped on your heart to leave you the f**k alone? The human capacity for forgiveness never fails to amaze me. I only hope your ex has half the heart that you do and respects your wishes. You deserve so much more than that. The only real problem I have with this is how she interprets your act of selflessness. If she is a truly manipulative person she may see this as a sign of weakness. YOU ARE NOT A DUMB GUY! You just happen to have a heart and a helluva lot more character than I could hope to muster under similar circumstance. Stick to your guns man. She made her bed(you know the rest.) She's not your responsibility anymore. Turn that compassionate, sensitive nature inward for a while. Take care of yourself. Stay sane man.
Re:A really DUMB GUY!!! niceguy: <another one raises his hand in shame>
Bob I've been faced with the same tough choices. The nice guy's (and girls ;) ) in us can't turn our backs on the ones we loved in times of need. I say rather than beat ourselves up over it accept that we are nice people.
I've had to cut contact with my X too, but I know if she came to me in a time of need I would help her. She was calling constantly for a while realizing I was a good husband and a good provider and that she may have made a mistake, but all it did was make me uncomfortable. She wanted my friendship back, but nothing more. I'm rambling a bit here sorry.
I know you wish you could have said it differently, or that things could be different over all, but I really believe you did the right thing by standing up for yourself. Don't beat yourself up over this.
[quote"> I knew I didn't want contact with him so why was saying the words so difficult?[/quote">
It's such a strange feeling...isn't it? Here's why I think it's so hard. We were the ones fighting so hard when the marriages first broke up, and our X's where the one's who wanted it over. Now as we have grown through the process we are slowly the ones gaining the conrol. For me I know it's unhealthy to still have contact with her, but rationally it's still hard to accept. I'm the one who begged her to stay, now I need to tell her I can't talk to her anymore.
Hang in there Bob...
Niceguy
Re:A really DUMB GUY!!! Bob-Bob: Hey all,
Wow today ...I have a bit of a hangover.... what a mess... ;D
Thanks everyone... so much...
I know now that I have drawn the line and set my boundaries... a really Important step that should have been taken a very long time ago...
I wanted to just sit back and watch this dream world she had conjured in her head disolve... crumble to her feet... see her get evicted... see her lose her truck.... but alas... my heart would not let me... I do care... sadly I do care... but that is why it is so Important for me to set those boundaries.
PG ... I think you knew this was coming... it has been building up for awhile now... and once I knew those taxes were taken care of... I knew it was time... hard or not.
Thanks again for being there.... all of you
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