I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? gutinstincts_7: [color=green"> Hi I am new here. This is my first topic talk. It is definately something I want to not have happened in my life but my h is addicted to porn. I feel that my self-esteem has really suffered a huge blow. After having children you just don't look at your body the same anyway but then for this to be thrown in my face....REALLY STABS. I have not just let my body go by any means. I continually get compliments from others besides my h that I look good. I like the compliments it feels good but it isn't coming from the person that I desire it to come from; my h. He will say nice things but you know when you know it in your insides that it is genuine. AM I just having too high of expectations. I don't agree with the porn, the compulsive masturbation, the lies. I told my h before we got married how I felt about being only unto him and he lied when he agreed with me. He is such a hypocrit. [/color">
Re: I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? 21218: when you say compulsive and addiction, what are we talking about here? does he take time away from you, is he not intimate with you, etc.?
make it a little clearer to me ... if he neglects you or other family responsibilites, yes. it might be an addiction. but if he does it once or twice a day, no. a beer or two after work does not make someone an alcoholic.
Re: I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? gutinstincts_7: Compulsive meaning over the last decade. And addiction meaning he has told himself repeatedly he wouldn't do it anymore and continues. Time away from family. He works late alot. As for me, he gets it when he wants it. I am no prude. But I do feel that when I met him and knew his moral values were higher than mine that I wouldn't have expected this. I have asked him many times throughout our lives together if he had masturbated and he said "NO" I have asked him to do that while we were doing our thang...and he said he didn't feel comfortable. When I had found porn and confronted him he said that sometimes certain websites attached unwanted things to the computer. Another lie now that I know for a fact that he has had this enormous fetish with fantasy and masturbation.
Re: I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? 21218: you're not going to like this.
you're blowing this way out of proportion ... the reason he can't talk to you about it is because you're completely unwilling to see his behavior as reasonable and normal. guess what -- it is. you're putting him in a lose-lose situation ... you're telling him that he's wrong and sick for doing what he's doing, why should he tell you? as far as him "wanting to stop" ... he doesn't want to. he wants you to get off his ass about it.
it's like a hobby or friends that he doesn't spend with you ... i mean, you're telling a grown man that he can't jerk off a little. it's a private and personal thing for him, so leave him alone about it.
he's not an alcoholic, he doesn't beat you, he provides well for your family ... and most importantly he's meeting these private needs of his in the privacy of his home, on his own, without neglecting any of your needs. he's not cheating on you, he's looking at some pictures or movies to get off.
if it bothers you so much that it's "other women" ... i don't know, how about talking to him about this like a civil adult and telling him that it bothers you but you understand that's who he is and you want to support him in it. try to honestly talk to him about it instead of putting him in a situation where he has to lie or get berated. maybe taking photos or videos of the two of you for him might work, I don't know.
it's HIM touching HIS body. he loves you and he wants you. if he wanted to cheat on you, he would.
stop riding his ass. be willing to look at this from more than just your point of view. stop focusing on how wrong he is and start looking at how wrong you might be.
he loves you, he's not a bad person, accept who he is instead of beating him down. WHAT HE IS DOING IS NOT WRONG.
Re: I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? gutinstincts_7: I dont' think that you can say that he is a loving h. You have your lions crossed if you don't mind me saying. He is the one that confessed to me that HE had a problem, as he put it. I didn't put those words in his mouth. He told me that he had tried to STOP many times and felt such guilt when he did do it. I didn't tell him to say that either. I am the one that wanted him to masturbate in front of me and he is the one that said he couldn't. I wanted to share that with him in our intimate relations.
How do you know he hasn't beat me?? How do you know that he provides well for his family?? I don't understand. He has done many things to me that I would consider phyical abuse. He has always ranted about me being accountable for every penny, yet when I asked him he told me that we weren't going to get into that.
He didn't have to lie. I had given him many opportunites before we were married to share this with me and he choose not to. And for your information we did video ourselves about 9 years ago and I have said that maybe we should do it again. I have sent him email and photos to his phone of me in sexy lingerie. I have left the digital camera for him with pictures of me on it for when he got home late to wake me up and love me. I don't wear granny pannies and I care about my appearance.
You have your opinion but I have mine and I want someone to cherish me. Why don't I deserve that especially when I have been continually trying to be spicy.
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