"controlling" 21218: wanting time and distance and space ... withdrawing ... that's controlling. it's not taking responsibility and being active about a problem. people do that when they're not in control IN the relationship, so the only way to have control is to step OUT of the relationship.
lying and concealing things ... that's controlling. it's not giving the other person the right that they have in the relationship to know what's going on, so they can address the problems.
not compromising, not being selfless ... that's controlling. saying how things ARE going to be, not giving up some things just for the other person's happiness ... worrying more about what you want instead of what the other person wants, that's controlling.
the first time she broke up with me, she sent me this cartoon ... don't you think the title says it all?
http://www.explodingdog.com/january2/iseemtohavelostcontrol.html
that's my opinion. what do you think?
Re: "controlling" jadedangel: [color=navy"> I can see people who want to take 'time and distance" from a relationship if for certain reasons .... it could be controlling -- however I don't really feel like someone who withdraws from a relationship is trying to be controlling --- they are forsaking control imo. Stepping out a relationship does not control the relationship ... but what do I know ...
All the other things ... lying, concealing things .. not compromising and being selfish ... are more controlling -- of how they want and need things to be in a relationship. But -- moreso ... it's deceptive and discriminate in what they think will make the relationship succeed. Rambling yet?
I don't feel that she was giving an attempt at controlling you with the cartoon ... maybe you think the reason she is gone is that she couldn't control ... and that is what you think is the reason she couldn't stay in the relationship ... What I take from the cartoon pic -- is that she felt extremely disoriented in her thoughts ... nothing was how she wanted it and she couldn't place things where they needed to be with her .... to me .. losing control is very different than being a controller in a relationship.
Jees .... sorry if I am rambling.
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Re: "controlling" jojo: I think the cartoon is very sad I don't see it as controlling but saying that I wasnt in the middle of the relationship...to me the cartoon screams help me I can't do this anymore.....just my interpretation
Re: "controlling" alonewith2: Wanting time and space and withdrawing from the relationship could be considered controlling because now she is controlling (in her mind) when the relationship will proceed. But it doesn't take complete control away, because you still have control over what your reaction to that will be. You can control whether you stay or go. It isn't up to her, even if she thinks it is. Of course you could always decide to let it be up to her, then you are giving her that control....not her "taking" it.
The rest is very controlling. It's like saying that she's going to do this on her terms, her way.....not good in my opinion.
Re: "controlling" 21218: to me, stepping away means that the relationship is going to go along at your pace, regardless of what the other person wants.
no, i don't think she was trying to control me with the cartoon either ... but it was definately her way of saying she felt out of control, obviously. she felt out of control in the relationship ... I was *not* very controlling. it was more along the lines of how I had a work schedule and we were long distance, so she was unable to reconcile the fact that my schedule was not ME and I made every attempt to be there when she wanted, and I could.
it is really sad.
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