Re: What the H@#)(*$& bluskygrl: 4 sarah is a great screen name. That is exactly what I think you need to focus on. What is right 4 sarah, good 4Sarah, good 4sarah's fture and her kids. Thsi man is obviously a mess. What would you tell you chidlren if they were involved with a person like this? Sarah you need to find your voice and stand up tall. I think we get so far itno the hoel of believing they are our lives that it is a slow climb out. LOL! About "needing it because it's been a year" This is a true sign of the narcistic thinking that leads his life...but not yours.
I think you should give yourself a huge amount of credit for not getting too wrapped up in anger, but on the other hand you need to whip out some of that maternal and self protecting instinct and take care of yourself and your needs.. ( maybe even those needs :) J/K
Don't be a doormat. I can tell you are strong and just need to keep telling yourself that. This man will back off when he sees you stand up for yourself and he will regret his decisions even more. As for the OW it sounds like he got what he deserves and I think that spending one more minute on her is a complete waste of your time and energy and WAY beneath you and your kids.
Just keep telling yourself
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
I know it is a truly corny 70's song, but someone sent me a Thanksgiving card with a trukey singing a parody and it has become the song in my head! google the rest of the song and it rings so true!
Re: What the H@#)(*$& wendieann: Well for one, go out on weekends you don't have the children! (even if it just to the library or something!) Don't answer the phone if he calls to see if your home behaving! ;)
Have the kids ready when he shows up and walk them out to HIM!!! ;D (this avoids him trying anything with you..) He probably be upset why he can't come in.. (like your trying to hide someone/something) ;) SO WHAT!~
Stand your ground!
Perhaps you don't like the OW. (with reason) however, can you imagine being her, ??? not knowing what her "husband" is doing? :( You have been there! You know how much it hurts! :( If he is trying to get you, not caring about wife #2 in the car, he is down right DISCUSTING!!! You deserve better than that! ;)
That isn't love... he doesn't love you or your feelings, or anyone elses! >:(
Love yourself to be strong! for you and the kids! :) JMHO
Re: What the H@#)(*$& Lumpy: He has no say in your life anymore. Laugh in his face when he tells you that you're not to see anyone else! Did he give a hairy rats' a$$ about your feelings? He married someone else, screw him. No quickies, no kisses, no nothing. He wants both of you. Don't you dare give it to him. If he really felt that he'd made a mistake he'd try to come back. Wanting to sleep with you and checking up on you don't count as regret. That's just control.
Re: What the H@#)(*$& 4sarah: I agree with everyones comments. I have never been good at getting angry at people if I do it only lasts a few minutes then I usually can't even remember why I'm mad at them and all is forgiven. I really think that this is the reason I'm kindof stuck where I am until I get angry I don't think I'll heal. Ive tried to get angry I really have but it always just ends in tears and me feeling worse than I did before. I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to conform to his wishes in hopes that he'll come back and the other part of me just wonders what if he doesn't come back? I feel so dumb.
Sarah
Re: What the H@#)(*$& alonewith2: The anger will come. It took me a year to feel the anger during my first separation, but when it came....it came!
I don't think you should conform for anyone! If he can't love you for who you are, why would you want him? You need to concentrate on yourself. Are the things he wants you to change positives. Like will they overall make you a better person? Or is it just his selfish desire to have everything and everyone his way? If the latter is true, definitely don't do it!
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