Be Careful What You Ask For Misha: Just recently my ex and I decided to reconcile and move slowly back into a realtionship, well I am still happy of that decision but I had gotten beside myself one day in a phone conversation with him and told him that we would never be able to work and trust each other unless we were completely honest with each other(boy did i stick my foot in my mouth) He said that he agreed and proceded to tell me all the gory details of what has happened in our house ever since I left. I was hurt deeply to know that he was seeing someone when soon after I moved out but it didn't work out according to him but the real shocker was when he said she lived with him for 5 months. I really counldn't get mad because we are legally divorced and living a state away from each other but it did hurt.
So the next time you say to yourself "Why couldn't he/she just be honest and tell me what was going on?" ask yourself next if you REALLY want to know...
misha ;)
Re:Be Careful What You Ask For Lumpy: I have this debate with myself all the time. The truth hurts but at least you're aware. Ultimately I'd rather be hurt and informed than ignorant and blissful. At least he's being straight with you. Just think how painful this would be if you got it from a third party, or if he denied it and you found out later that he was lying. It was probably just a rebound thing. He's with you now and that's the important thing. Good luck with your reconciliation Misha, stay sane.
Re:Be Careful What You Ask For picadilly: Wow that sucks. but like Lumpy said, its better to know now this early into your attempt at reconcilliation. Better then finding out later on further into it, where you would storm out & never give it a chance. Now you have a choice, to continue or not.
This is a hard a road as divorce is, except in divorce there is no need to rebuild trust. Good luck with whatever you do, have faith, be strong.
Re:Be Careful What You Ask For brokenman: I would be very happy in this situation. Sure, your stomach turns and your head gets woozy thinking about it, but you proved yourself right. Your reconciliation would never work unless you are beyond the wooziness. The reason you can't trust him is the same reason you get sick thinking about this.
There is no reconciliation in my divorce and I am very aware of why. It still makes me woozy to think of the person who violated my trust so greatly. I asked questions and learned explicit details that I am ultimately glad I know. Because I now know that an attempt to reconcile is useless unless I can see past all of the details, forgive, and understand that they will not be repeated. In the meantime, those gory details help me everytime I feel alone and think of calling my Ex. Before I can even reach for a phone I just have to conjure up the horrid visions she gave me and I remember exactly why I will never call.
If you continue to reconcile please don't stop exploring these things you may wish you didn't know. I don't think you will ever be confortable and happy in the relationship unless you have worked past them.
