just thought I'd say hello. tudsinhaler: I want to say hello to all board members. I stumbled upon your place a couple of weeks ago when I thought about starting to articulate my crazy journey of divorce.
I am fast approaching the one year anniversary since my ex-wife left, and I'm sure the anniversary of the first knowledge of her affairs is past. I had one of the worlds easiest divorces from a legal standpoint, filed in June, final in September.
I got to keep our daughter, our house 100%, she kept her college debt and the car she was driving (that is the one thing I'm still paying for).
Emotions weren't as clean and easy for me, and maybe to some degree it has been unfortunate that I'm way too good as supressing them.
Lonliness is what I face as the biggest battle now. My friends are great, but they don't come around late at night when I miss companionship. I do keep and raise my 3 year old, so I'm house bound after diner 6 nights a week. This isn't condusive to the single life, so I'm kinda stuck constantly reminded of my situation. It's not nessacarily bad, I'm just having to wake up to a reality that I wouldn't have crafted.
I look forward to getting to know all of you and I thank you already for enriching my life with your stories.
Re:just thought I'd say hello. Lonestargal: Hello tudsinhaler, I am also new here. I found this website a few nights ago. :)
Like you, my divorce is looking as though it will be easy, in the legal department anyway. I never expected all these emotions that come with the seperation and moving forward. It is a roller coaster ride and nothing as I had anticipated.
My STBX and I were only married for 3 years, I found out about his affair about a 5 weeks before our 3rd anniversary.
Good luck to you.
Re:just thought I'd say hello. incoherentlonghorn: Hey tudsinhaler,
This is a great place to deal with those post divorce emotions and to once in a while find a little company late at night.
Playing the single parent is a little different than I expected as well, but it undoubtedly has its benefits.
I was thinking along the same lines last night when I saw your post; it is funny how I can spend every day with sets of friends for a week solid and once I arrive home still feel alone. The lack of companionship is the clincher but I hear it gets better. ;)
At least we have our kiddos…
Hang in there,
LL
Re:just thought I'd say hello. Buggs: Tudsinhaler,
Welcome to Ojar. the support here is terrific. many sotries and lots of advice on how to cope. Glad to hear at least from a legal standpiont that it was easy on you. Also glad to hear you have the privelage of parenting your daughter full time, an invesment that will surely pay off later on. But in all this, don't forget yourself....not sure if firends, or family can help, but once in a while its impotant togo out and create a social life. Last resort is a babysitter..you're bound to find someone who will relate to your situation and who knows??!!
Cheers
Buggs
Re:just thought I'd say hello. picadilly: Welcome to Ojar, tudsinhaler.
It can be scary raising a child on your own but you are more then capable, I'm sure.
Let me just tell you about my Uncle. He married my "Aunt-in-law" 23 years ago. Then she gave him 2 baby girls. By the time they were 5 & 3, she left him. She wanted more then he could offer (re: a rich sugar daddy - which she has now BTW) but he got the better deal, he got to raise my cousins. He lived fairly close to my family so we helped as best we could too.
Now, the oldest, 22, is studying to be a Pastery Chef & the other, 20, is in University. They are both well adjusted, smart women that I have grown to love not as cousins but as sisters almost.... well, mixed in with a bit of fatherly type affection, hell I changed their diapers when they were growing up.
The sad thing is that their mother pretty much stayed out of their lives till about 5 years ago. She wanted nothing to to with their up-bringing but now that they can shop, I guess she likes them again. Sad but there you go.
Hang tough, remember that you got the better deal, you can watch your daughter grow. That will be worth it in the end.
PS: Oh, forgot to mention, my uncle, was remarried twice, the first one was because he thought the girls needed a mother & well, it didn't last. The last time was 3 years ago. We just welcomed my newest cousin into the world. Hehe, the girls now have a brother.
Just so you know, life doesn't end when you have to take care of a child. Best of luck to you.
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