How do you know? fallenangelcat: How do you know if you're even ready to start thinkingabout dating? We haven't filed for our divorce yet, since we are waiting for me to find a job, but it has been over, at least for me, for at least 2.5 years. I just didn't have the courage/self-confidence/self-esteem/etc. to end it officially until now. I've spent the last year working on myself, i.e. reading, therapy, meditation/prayer and I feel stronger, more confident and happier than ever. I feel downright GOOD about life.
Now, don't take this as I'm going out looking to date right now - I'm not. I definately won't start dating anyone until I've moved out of the stbx's house, even though he is dating already. It's just that most of the stuff I've read, and all the online boards I've been to, say "you should wait at least a year before dating." Why? If you are sure of yourself and what you want, why should you wait? I am looking forward to being on my own for the first time in my life and have NO intention of rushing into any serious relationships, but I can't help but feel, if I meet someone who's company I could enjoy, why shouldn't I?
I also don't believe that the first relationship you are in after a breakup/divorce is always a "rebound." I consider a rebound a person you run to in order to escape the reality of the breakup.
Just looking for others' thoughts on this. I have met someone who's company I enjoy, who I am attracted to, and am friends with. However, he is deployed for 3 months, which I am thankful for in some ways...it allows me to be certain about whether I want to date him eventually or not, and prevents me from "running to him to escape my reality." ;)
Tina
Re:How do you know? grober: Hey,
Here are just a couple of thoughts.
Sounds like you've spent a year doing exactly what most people do after their divorce is over. You know, working on yourself. I think that type of exploration is crucial. However, you may be surprised to find that you still could still have issues to contend with regarding yor STBX.
The question I found myself asking after I read your post is: why do you need to date to enjoy another's company? I think expanding you social circles after a divorce is very healthy. Do you feel that you prefer dating over pursuing friendships or doing things with your current friends?
I did wait a year before I started dating. There is nothing magical about that time period. It just happened that it took me that long to get my act together and feel like dating. It is different for everyone. The time I took let me FEEL like an individual again.
Hope this helps some.
Re:How do you know? Brian75034: fallen,
Dating is good.
Developing a relationship with someone else now is bad.
Wait till the actual divorce is over and give yourself x # of months before even thinking about a relationship.
In the meantime, have fun with your singleness. Do things on your own...take trips youve always wanted to, join a club, pick up a hobby. Its a time to be selfish!
B
Re:How do you know? bkg: [quote author=Brian75034 link=board=6;threadid=2518;start=0#msg21723 date=1080576727">
In the meantime, have fun with your singleness. Do things on your own...take trips youve always wanted to, join a club, pick up a hobby. Its a time to be selfish!
[/quote">
Brian,
This is very, VERY good advice.
My ex jumped into a relationship right away. I honestly pray that she's doing well. I, on the otherhand, have too much to "fix" and heal right now to engage in any sort of relationship. The advice that Brian gives is what I'm trying to follow: fix myself, get healthy, enjoy being with myself... and then start to think about dating/relationship again.
I figure I owe it to myself to get healthy. And I owe it to a future girlfriend (or my ex, if we were to reconcile) to be a solid, healthy, happy person. Anything less and I'll be cheating both of us.
Re:How do you know? ChristyM: [quote"> Dating is good.
Developing a relationship with someone else now is bad.[/quote">
Don't these somewhat go hand in hand? I don't really date just to have a good time that night only. I think most people date to have a good time and enjoy that person's company but to also find that "connection"..........
Christy
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