Re:How do you know? ostia: [quote author=Brian75034 link=board=6;threadid=2518;start=0#msg21874 date=1080749624">
People can connect at different levels and none of them have to equal entering into a serious relationship.
When I think of "relationship" i envision entering into something that requires work and effort to make that connection work.
[/quote">
Well, maybe it would be helpful for us to define what eachof us means by "relationship" if we're debating whether or not it's a good idea to get into one shortly after divorcing...
In a sense, ANY connection between two human beings is a relationship. Buy what I tend to refer to as a "Relationship with a capital R" I define as a romantic connection with the following characteristics:
- it makes up a large and important part of your social life, and you depend on the person for much of your emotional connection and support (although in a healthy relationship some of those needs are also met by friends)
-you are established enough as a couple that you assume that you will continue seeing each other indefinitely until/unless serious problems come up
-it is assumed that you will go out with/see each other on a regular basis
-you are integrated into each other's lives to some degree...you meet one another's friends, you keep some stuff at each other's homes, etc
Is that what the rest of you guys mean by a "serious relationship"?
Re:How do you know? bit pusher: [quote author=Heliotrope link=board=6;threadid=2518;start=0#msg21881 date=1080754427">
Is that what the rest of you guys mean by a "serious relationship"?
[/quote">
Sounds about right. Funny thing is, I've never found myself in a "serious relationship" without going through a casual one first ... and if I get into a casual relationship that has some potential, I'm not really in the mood to cut it off or hamper it with a bunch of rules about why it shouldn't be able to make the transition to serious, regardless of how long my papers have been final, how long I've been on my own, or how much I had to drink last night ... ho ho.
I think this process of overanalyzing can get counterproductive ... if it feels good, do it.
-bp
Re:How do you know? ostia: [quote author=bit pusher link=board=6;threadid=2518;start=0#msg21882 date=1080754909">
[I think this process of overanalyzing can get counterproductive ... if it feels good, do it.
[/quote">
I agree that overanalyzing can be useless and/or harmful, but it's hard not to do it when you're unable to trust your feelings as a result of a horrible breakup.
For example, I managed to continue to convince myself during my last couple of years with my X that I was happy and that we had a good marriage, and now that we've split up I am appalled at what I was willing to put up with and what I was choosing not to notice or not to think about. So how am I supposed to know what's good for me when I see it now, since I so obviously didn't then? :-\ :P ???
Re:How do you know? bit pusher: Yeah, learning to trust (and listen to) your instincts is hard ... especially after a long period of not doing so.
-bp
Re:How do you know? incoherentlonghorn: Hey Heliotrope,
What do your friends think of him...mine are more than willing to gang up on me and tell me to can a guy. They are incredible and honest judges of character and know when I'm rationalizing a mans behavior.
This takes brutal honesty, no hiding important tidbits. They know me and how I'm reacting. Good friends are the best!!!!
Just an idea!
LL
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