Re:I am at my wits end... ukducky: So true Pic!!!!! I filed last week and now have something to show for it. His true feelings came out after I told him I was filing for divorce. We have been seperated for over a year. With the promises of him still loving me. What a farce.
He hasn't changed a bit. I had to file restraing orders and the works. Now all of a sudden I feel this unexpected control. I really hope it will last. I've been lied to and pushed around to much. I've waited on him for over a year. A year of broken promises and blood vessels is all I have to show for it.
This is very embarrassing for me and also enlivening at the same time.
Not BC hang in there. You'll be in my thoughts.
Re:I am at my wits end... incoherentlonghorn: Notbychoice,
Your story is somewhat similar to mine and its funny that it hasn't bothered me to talk about this in a while, but today its a tad hard. Because I used to think that I deserved better but over the course of the past month, I now fully believe I deserve better. I have met better, also. Not that I should be comparing good men with scum. He loved me so much, the passion made him want to hurt me, but only me. Sure buddy. But here it goes, no turning back:
When you're in a relationship that is more of a power struggle, with the hitting of walls and generalized control, people truly have no idea how hard it is to change your way of thinking. Not harder, just different. Its probably the same with cheaters, liars, ect. just modified. Then once you leave/left you can't help for a while but to think what if he changes and then someone else reaps the benefits. Was it really that bad, he was great when he wasn't XXXX?!?!? At least I did. Not good enough, for me.
But I haven't heard any comments about what he has done to get help for himself. Even then, will he really change? Is it an act, or long term? Not worth a single day more of my time...how bout you?
Our marriages lasted about the same timeframe, but I am happier now (two weeks strong ;) ) than ever. The new and improved ME is ready to move on to a bigger and better life. I'm not looking back anymore, it is full speed ahead. Focus on you and what you want.
Big hugs. Please hang in there and take care of yourself. To hapiness and respect!
LL
Re:I am at my wits end... notbychoice: thank you everyone for the wonderful words of wisdom!! This board is better then talking to ANY therapist. Just my opinion :)
You are all wonderfully caring people. I guess the old saying is true "bad things DO happen to good people" ;)
Longhorn a few things you said really hit home and made me think...maybe its b/c you can kinda relate to my life since your situation seems to be similar.
you said...
"Then once you leave/left you can't help for a while but to think what if he changes and then someone else reaps the benefits." Was it really that bad, he was great when he wasn't XXXX?!?!?"
That one really really hit home...its like you were reading my mind.
" But I haven't heard any comments about what he has done to get help for himself. Even then, will he really change? Is it an act, or long term? Not worth a single day more of my time...how bout you? "
and this one ditto ditto and ditto!!!
"I'm not looking back anymore, it is full speed ahead. Focus on you and what you want."
and this one here will be my new mantra! :)
and Picadilly you are so right about the true person comes out when they are drinking....I know that and I say that all the time but yet I would use it as an excuse for him and his actions. Its amazing how I covered for him sooo much.
and mv2 you are so right I was the one that was unhappy....I thought if we ever split I would be the leaver....but when he chose to be the leaver all the sudden I was blinded and forgot all the rotten things he did b/c I was losing control but if I sit back and recollect on things I was the one who was mostly unhappy with the marriage....why would he be??...I did whatever he wanted to do. He had it made!
uk ducky said something to the effect that his true colors came out when he heard she was filing for divorce...that has actually been my saying throughout all this...it used to be
"you never know someone until you marry them" now its been "you never know someone until you divorce them" :)
and Buggs you are right sitting in the middle will drive me to eat worms and I dont want to eat worms...worms are yucky!!!
so I am "bucking up" here or as I like to say "Cowgirl up" and moving forward with my life and trusting my decisions!! I am a smart girl and I need to start really believing in that and believing in me!
thank you all!!!!!
