Feel betrayed Basset: He suddenly wanted a divorce after 5.5 years!
Written on March 5th
My husband decided that he wanted to get separated from me and pursue a divorce. I begged him to work on our relationship harder to make it work. I promised to never repeat my mistakes again, but he insisted that nothing could be done and that he wants to end it. It was a shock to me because previously he said he loved me very much and wanted pay for my orthodontic treatment despite having low income. Yet a few days later he said he stopped loving me as a wife. The whole incident was very difficult for me to cope with. It affected my physical and mental health. As a result, I had to take some time off from university to recover.
He dare blame me!
Written on March 29th
On Feb 14, my husband actually spanked me and called 911. He handed me the phone and I hung up since I didn't think it was serious. But the police came anyway and I had to tell the truth. He was arrested. A restraining order was placed on him. I ignored the restraining order and persuaded him over and over to keep the relationship going. But he insisted that I persue a divorce. At the same time, he wanted to be asking me out on dates while being able to do so with other women too. I gave up on trying to work on our relationship and played his game. I got a new boyfriend who is like me - looking for a someone to marry.
On this Thursday that just passed, my husband came over to my place. Everything was fine until he said, "If you really loved me, you would have told the police that the 911 call was a mistake". I was angry and things started to escalate. I really wanted to forgive him for the spanking and continue the relationship. I really wanted to go to a family counselor, etc. But he insisted in not being committed and being able to date many.
Anyway, I was afraid because he started to blame me for his mistakes. So, I decided to tell the police about him coming by and doing this to me. They told me they would arrest him the second time for violating the restraining order.
It really hurt me when he said I didn't love him. Would you believe what I did? It is so embarassing. One day, while he had the restraining order, after the spanking, he came by to talk to me. His posture was like, "I want sex". He managed to persuade me to have sex with him to save the relationship. So, I did. While having sex, when I told him I love him, he said, "I can't lie. I don't know if I love you". And after all the sex, I degraded myself and said, "If you ever need sex, you can come to me. I don't want you to get STDs." Ouch! I loved him so much and I gave up my self-respect!
I think my husband has been cheating on me while we were still together - way before Feb 14th. Take a look at this ad his put up:
<Michael - deleted link.>
On Thursday, he said he is kind of seeing someone. I said how long or something like that. He said 2 months. I said, "so, you were with this person while you were with me". Then, he changed his story. When asked if he French kissed this woman, he paused and said no. Then, when ask if he engaged in sexual activities, he said, "yes, but not heavy"... who knows what he has been doing with her? Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment to check for STDs.
When I told him I was interested in marriage with my new boyfriend, he said, "What is wrong with you? You are 24. Karen is 37!". Karen is the woman he has sexual relations with. And this husband of mine is only 23! He is f***ing someone old enough to be his mom! It was offensive because at 37, I want to have a loving and monogamous husband. Hopefully, I would have a child too.
Anyway, I am having trouble concentrating with school. All the betrayal my husband has done hurts me. Plus, I have to worry about trying to get a divorce. I don't have the money to do so. And it is complicated since my husband has a restraining order.
Basset
Re:Feel betrayed JASPER: Welcome to Ojar Basset I am so sorry for the pain and confusion you are going through but as everyone says it does get easier with time.
Your ex sounds like a real freak to post an ad like that I think a divorce may be a blessing for you with his sexual preferences your lucky you hadn't caught anything already.
You are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you so I wouldn't rush into anything just yet I know it hurts but be strong and you will make it through this.
Re:Feel betrayed Basset: Dear Jasper,
Thank you for responding to my post.
Certainly a divorce would be great. However, I don't have any money for a divorce. I think with the way my husband has been behaving - he would make the divorce hard. I am worried.
Basset
Re:Feel betrayed incoherentlonghorn: Hey basset,
I waited quite a while before filing for a divorce and I know others here have done the same. There is no "right time" to get a divorce, its whatever works for you.
I also had a difficult time concentrating at school around the separation and at times, 8 months later, it still effects me minimally. I am still a student for another month or so.
But you need to look out for yourself right now. Your education is your future...you have no control over your husbands actions, but I would focus on staying in school or getting a job, whatever you can afford. You are worth it.
Like Jasper said, I would take it slow because you need to focus on your life right now. Take care of yourself!
Hang in there,
LL
Re:Feel betrayed Basset: Dear LL,
Thank you for responding to my post. :)
I got married mainly for immigration. I needed someone to bring me to Canada. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) wanted to go too and had the money. The only way for him to follow me was for us to get married. We wanted to move to Canada to have freedom of religion. To have good health care. To have freedom of thought. And for me to be protected from being beaten by men. So, I never regret getting married to my husband for all the benefits I received.
I think I would just remain married since I don't have the money to get a divorce. I am a student living off student loans and grants. My boyfriend who is already finished with school said he wants to try to negotiate an easy divorce with my husband. Then, my boyfriend would help to pay for a divorce since he intends on marrying me. It is flattering to know that these men going to negotiate who gets to be my husband. ;D
Basset
