Re: Scary realization last night re: being a sort-of stepparent tara: [quote author=Chey link=topic=25527.msg242413#msg242413 date=1139951869">
The one thing you HAVE to do (I told SS the same thing) is not to so involved them with them to the point where you ARE the other mother. Trust that their Mom is a good Mom, and doing everything they need. I got so involved with their lives, with their stories about what was going on at Mom's (stories yes because they were playing the parents off against each other), that I became exhausted from it.
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Thanks for that advice, Chey -- and her mom is, indeed, a good mom. My mother in one appalling comment asked if I'd ever consider trying to pressure J to get sole parental rights, so I could adopt kiddo and get a daughter without doing the whole pregnancy/childbirth thing -- and then she realized what she said and immediately regretted it. (And while I would consider a stepparent adoption, if I was indeed married to J and his ex died or something, I wouldn't even think of depriving that girl of the good mother she already has, for any reason.)
And J isn't lazy -- he's human, of course, and sometimes needs a break (i.e. "can you please help kiddo get ready for bed because I'm puking my guts out over here") but I don't find myself "taking over" in any significant way. I suspect homework help might come, in time, based on what the subject is.
I just try to be another good adult presence. I figure you can't have too many of those.
