Hi everyone. Newbie here Raven: Hi everyone. My name is Raven. I am 29 years old, have a 5 and a half year old son, and I am just starting the divorce process( I mean barely), with my husband of 6 years. (I just turned in the application for legal aid yesterday)
We have been separated for a month, but it didn't really hit me I guess until after I turned in that application. I have been feeling really sad since then.
I can accept that the marriage is over. Fact is, the way things are, I don't want my stbx back. But I still feel such a loss...
Our marriage hasn't been all that good, really at all, since the first year. We have been through a LOT of financial problems, and fought continuously(it seems), but ONLY about finances...never anything else. He gave up on the marriage 5 years ago though, if I am going to be honest. I didn't. I have tried everything...counseling, books, websites..you name it, I tried it. He hasn't wanted it..but just didn't bother to admit it.
On March 4th, due to suspicion of a woman that had recently resurfaced in our lives, who was getting a divorce from her husband( this woman also happened to be MY best friend from the time we were 12 to the time we were 24), and the fact that she was calling and hanging up when I answered the phone,(stupid woman!) I checked my stbxs email, and found several emials from him to her, talking about how much he loves her and cant wait to be with her, etc....
It devastated me.
He was asleep when I did this.
Uh oh...I just looked at the time. I am going to have to continue this in a few minutes. My son is about to come home on the bus. BRB.
Re:Hi everyone. Newbie here Raven: Ok, where was I....oh yeah...he was asleep.
When he woke up, I asked him to have a cigarette with me, and then told him that I knew about the two of them, and that I would appreciate it if he would leave for a few days( at least) so that I could think about things, alone. He decided to leave for good. He is in love with her( I have some very interesting feelings about this, but thats a story for another time), wants to marry her, and have children with her. He has also stated that he never stopped loving her( they dated as teens), and that he hasn't felt as "whole" as he does with her, in over 10 years...Ummm I met him 7 years ago...
Anyway, I have so many conflicting emotions, but I am trying so hard to hold it together for my son. I am glad that I found this site, because while I have friends(online and off) I feel bad talking too much about this situation, because I am very afraid of alienating people.
Thanks for listening.
Raven
Re:Hi everyone. Newbie here picadilly: Welcome to Ojar, Raven.
So sorry your going through that. It's so hard when one partner gives up on the relationship without really ever trying to fix it, I know that feeling. And the fact that he gave up so early is never a good sign.
Hang in there, your stronger then you think. The first step to recovering yourself is reaching out for help. We're a stepping stone to getting yourself back to centre.
Peace & love to you.
Re:Hi everyone. Newbie here JASPER: Well Hello Raven and welcome to Ojar
You have found a great site for support the people here are really great and have helped me plenty over the last few months.
It is perfectly natural for you to feel sad. I think when you start the paper process it's what makes this divorce thing seem a lot more real for most of else. Unfortunally what a long process it is.
Don't worry it does get easier as you move along and the people on the site have been a Godsend to me.
Feel free to post whenever you need to there is always someone listening or shall I say reading.
Re:Hi everyone. Newbie here Basset: Dear Raven,
I understand how you feel. I can relate to your situation. I have tried everything to make my relationship with my husband to work but he gave up after 5 1/2 years.
I caught him visiting ashleymadison.com - an agency that helps people cheat on their spouses. When I asked him about it, he said that his friend asked him to check the location of the agency. When we broke up, I checked his email account. I was shocked because he signed up for it and put up an ad. He was an "attached male looking for females". He also stated he wanted petite women. It was hurtful to me because I can't help it that I have medical problems causing me to have to take medications that made me fat. It is not fair. I would love him anyway, even if he is totally disfigured or fat or whatever. It is so cruel!
I understand it must be very hard trying to hold it together for your son. It was hard for me when my husband left me. Our male rabbit was depressed. I was heart broken because of that and was thankful that it was just a rabbit - not a child.
Basset
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