My so called life. bleedingheart: So I've come to a level of acceptance in my life and have started my life all over again from scratch. I've had a lot of time to think about things while i was alone in the new city for a few weeks. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and stop looking at the past. I've accepted the fact that she doesn't want to be a wife anymore to anyone. I've accepted the fact that she is infatuated with OM and have been sending him emails with hidden account. I thought to myself, do i want to be in the loveless marriage any longer? Let's be real, how do you make someone love you when they won't even try?
Mind you, I still love her and always will. I have this unconditional love for her as the mother of my beautiful kids. That won't change the fact that she wanted to leave the marriage and that she cheated on me. In my head, i've forgiven her for the hell she's put me through, because one of the things i had to do was forgive in order to move on. Why cling on to the past? It will only set me back emotionally.
She has moved down here and is staying with me and the kids until she can find and afford a place of her own. It maybe two weeks or 2 months, it doesn't matter now. I must admit, valentines day was awkward with her there. I could sense she wanted intimacy, but i had to keep my distance for the sake of both of us. It was really hard (no pun intended).
I've picked up my pieces with the help of fellow ojarians, friends and especially family. I've started this new life i'm pretty happy about. I like the change. It was very hard getting used to, but i know friends and family are a quick phone call away.
I would like to thank everyone here for the support. I've been reading the posts everyday. It's quite therapeutic knowing that i'm not the only person experiencing marital problems and that i might help others. I will continue to visit and read the posts here, as I am not all the way out of the woods yet. Wish me luck.
BH
