I had a very interesting phone call last night….. MadorSad: Most of you do not know me or my story but I've been around here for a long time so add your 2 bits in or askany questions but I need to understad this and your help as always is great
TY
MoS
I got a call from a very old girlfriend we have talked off and on over the last month or so anyhow. I asked her why she moved away from our hometown the answer made my eyes pop out. She said I ran away from you and she said she could never move back home cause she knew I was still living there. This all happened 20 YEARS ago. She told what had happened over the last 20 years and I told her what had happened to me and she told me about her kid and I told about mine and we learned so much that neither of us had know at the time we were dating it was one of the best talks I’ve had with a women. After our long talk we decided that our timing was not right and that we were just too young to understand what we had back then but that what we had was what we had both been looking for some 20 years now. A very eye opening thing for she and me said that talking to me had helped her tie up some lose ends for her.
So she told me a story and never explained what she meant by it and I need some help to understand
Her son asked her what love felt like and she told him you feel weak and happy and that they are your best friend and worst at times you want to spend all your time with that person and spend the rest of your life with them. Her son asked if she felt that way about his dad (Yes she is divorced) and she told him no I only ever felt that way about one man (and so old MoS comes into the picture) So he asked what I was like and what I looked like so she showed him very old pics of me and her and so on and this is what lead to the phone call last night.
1.Now how could you use ME as an example for love after 20 years I mean look at me now and to be honest I was not great back then?
2.I hope our talk help her but it seamed to me that I got more out of it and I do not know why?
3. I have thought about her often over the years but I never made the effort to find out if she was OK?
4. How could something from that long ago still affect my marriage 20 years later?
Yes I’m very serous and I really need some input on this it did make me question lots of things in my life
MoS
Re: I had a very interesting phone call last night….. frontier74: I always had my "first love" in the back of my mind as well, until I was faced with the possibility of actually hooking up with her again.
Toward the end of my marriage, I received an email from her and she wanted to "hook up" while she was in town. She was married as well and had two children. It only took a few seconds of consideration before I knew, without a doubt, it would be a horrible idea. I really wasn't interested in doing something like that, whether I was happy in my marriage or not.
The fact that she was suggesting such a thing really shattered my fantasy. I was forced to look at her, the person she is and was, rather than the idealized version of her, which was made up of the good times we shared and all of the good memories of the time in which the relationship occurred -- then add to that the fact that we were both completely different people, facing totally different circumstances.
Nostalgia is comforting at times, but you can't actually live in the past. I'm not saying you shouldn't entertain the idea, just make sure you really want the girl, and everything that comes along with her, and you don't just want to relive a moment in time which is long gone.
Re: I had a very interesting phone call last night….. MadorSad: [quote author=frontier link=topic=25589.msg243096#msg243096 date=1140039112">
Nostalgia is comforting at times, but you can't actually live in the past. I'm not saying you shouldn't entertain the idea, just make sure you really want the girl, and everything that comes along with her, and you don't just want to relive a moment in time which is long gone.
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Great point never thought about this
And there was no "Hook Up" involved we never talked about that we just filled in the last 20 years of each others lifes. but it was very easy to just talk to her.
Oh she was not my first love that is the other strange thing ???
Thanks
MoS
Re: I had a very interesting phone call last night….. snkpack5: 20 years is a long time. Perhaps you've forgotten some of the reasons why the relationship is over. Maybe you choose to remember the good times and your memory of the actual relationship is not realistic.
I do this same thing with a guy from four years ago. He was a great guy and I think that if he came along now we could really make a go of things, but I think I tend to glorify him in my mind. In reality, he took me for granted. I know this, but I tend to forget this because he is one of the greater guys I've had the pleasure of dating. Everyone since then pales in comparison.
Re: I had a very interesting phone call last night….. CinciChic: Be glad that she thought of you in such a good way when talking to her son. Not all of us can say things like that about our past relations. It sounds as if the two of you could be great friends if you chose to, but I have to agree with the others, why did things go wrong to where you split? and where are you both in life now? Would it work or is it just the thought of it working out that is so inviting?
I wish I had found this site a long time ago, I wouldn't be going through the situation I am in now... got involved with a guy from my past and he didn't turn out to be that same guy I thought he was... should have left it as it was in my case.
