Need a pep talk superwife: Haven't been here in a while. Things have been status quo in the ex department, and busy at work/school.
Having said that, I get a call today. See his name come up on the caller ID. Here goes...
"just wanted to inform you of a couple of things. When (child) is with me, she's my responsibility". "Okay", I reply (don't know where he's going with this). "Babble, babble, babble, I'll take care of her needs. You don't need to put snack money in her backback, and you don't need to send her in boots that don't fit her. You have enough trouble taking care of her when she's with you, I'll worry about her when she's with me, babble, babble". So I said with each pause, okay, okay, okay. There's no point in arguing with him. So I finally said "Are you finished?" He said "what?" (like that was going to scare me). I repeated myself. He hung up.
I was with my best friend, who knows him pretty well, so I ttok the oportunity to put him on speakerphone. She only heard the tail end (by the time I thought of it), but was nonetheless appauled.
So now, I'll have to explain to her that I need to send her barefoot to Daddy's in the snow (20+ inches in NYC on Monday when he came to get her), because he can take care of her needs. And if he doesn't give her snack $$, she's $hit out of luck. Poor kid.
It's 11 months. Despite the fewer phone calls like this (we have not spoken in 4 weeks), it has not gotten better. I have gotten better at reacting to his hissy fits ( I know he was waiting for more of a reaction from me), but I am still hysterical when I get off the phone w/ him after these episodes. I am still extremely hurt by his actions. I hate him with every beat of my heart, because of the way he treats me. He has no reason to treat me this way, and it still hurts. I am so tired of this, and cannot do this for another 15 years.
Monday, he had to come pick her up at my house (snow day- no school). He could not even make eye contact with me. I had to get his attention to give him her school uniform and sneakers (she had on the boots that fit her that day- must have had a growth spurt in 2 days). Did not say a word, not even 'okay'. Nothing. I went in the house, cried, and threw up.
Re: Need a pep talk snkpack5: I wish I could tell you it gets better but I've been divorced for 4 years and my ex does the exact same thing to me that your ex does to you only its over email cause I don't accept his phone calls anymore.
You think you can't do this, but one day you really won't care that much. He'll just be a momentary irk and that's all.
Re: Need a pep talk superwife: When will this day come?? I thought I'd become a little hairier-chested by now.
I tried the e-mail thing. It becomes a problem when he doesn't have internet access. I gave him time to speak, said okay and that was it. This is a big step for me. I used to try to respond and rationalize with him. No point.
Re: Need a pep talk brokenbaby: I dont think anyone can give you a timeframe of when it will come. However look at the progress you made. All you said was okay. Are you finished. As time goes on those conversations and responses will get easier and more natural. I know it's feeling like it's taking forever. :-\ But the time will come.
Re: Need a pep talk superwife: I know no one has the answers. I'm just tired of letting this get to me. I know it has gotten better. I am a very impatient person (got it from him, I guess, and he passed it on to our daughter).
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