D@mn, I was having such a good night, too.... Spectrum: Ahhhhhh......
I had such a nice night planned for tonight.... A chance to get out dancing with my girl friends.... Got home and found the letter in the mail box.... How could I have forgotten? He said he sent it yesterday. Is that why I didn't come right home tonight after work? Putting off the inevitable? :-[
I asked him after the breakup to write me an apology, and an explanation for the things he has done... Months later I finally have it. I'll admit, it wasn't an easy read. My eyes teared up in places. But I didn't cry. Why not? Does this mean I'm moving on? I felt like crying, but the tears just weren't really there. Am I just a cold, callous b*tch? Am I in denial? Am I just too tired to care?
So he finally admits that he has problems.... that he cheated on me from the very beginning, almost five years ago now. He says he has decided to let his anger go, that he's sorry, sorry, sorrysorrysorry..... He took it for granted that I'd always love him. He values my opinion and insight more than he ever realized.
What does any of this mean? It feels like it should mean less. It feels like it should mean more. I feel like I've been crumpled up and squashed onto the pavement. Anyone have some salt? Lemon juice? Feel free to rip those wounds open and dump it right it. In an hour and a half I'll be at Shooters feeling NO pain.
But who am I kidding? I'm feeling no pain right now. Numb is just PERFECT... right up until the moment I remember that I'm ripping the guts out of the man I promised to love and cherish for the rest of my life, and I have no intention of changing my mind.
How about a round on me? Or eight?
Spectrum.
Re:D@mn, I was having such a good night, too.... incoherentlonghorn: Spec,
Your ripping his guts out...who just admitted he cheated for five years.
You have a heart, you are a sweetheart, you are loyal, you are loved by your friends...because you are not a bit**.
And even if you are feeling that way, I think it is an appropriate response to a letter like that.
Enjoy your drinks...and BE SAFE sweetie.
Face what needs to be faced until you've dealt with it and moved on.
BIG LONGHORN HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hang in there,
LL
Re:D@mn, I was having such a good night, too.... picadilly: [size=10"> HUGE HUGS[/size"> coming your way, Spec.
Do not think for a second that your ripping his guts out, he ripped your heart out long ago. I know you've always suspected / known he cheated on you early on & I know it's much harder to take now that he's admitting it.
You can get through this, you have gotten through this before.
Have a drink on me & like LL said, be safe. We need you around, young lady!
Sending positive thoughts your way. :-*
Re:D@mn, I was having such a good night, too.... EZ: Spec,
I am so sorry. He cheated from the beginning? What you must be feeling or thinking.
But he says he is letting go of his anger? What anger? At himself? Well good for him. @sshole b@stard.
You say that you are feeling numb. I felt that also but I came to understand that numb was actually just neutral. I could not hate a person that I loved for so long, yet I could not love the person she became. So my feelings for her are neutral.
I will buy you that round Spectrum, but with it I also send a prayer.
Peace be with you my friend
ez
Re:D@mn, I was having such a good night, too.... Lumpy: Hey Spec, interesting post...Agree with what everyone else had to say here. He ripped his own guts out by his actions. Vows are a two way street. Once he violated trust all bets were off. Just wondering if this is the first admission of infidelity. If so at least he finally came clean. I wonder if I'll ever know for sure. I've always trusted her(my stbx) implicitly but things have changed so much. People always say "you don't want to know" but I can't quite agree. I feel it is ultimatly more disrespectful to cheat and then lie about it to "protect the other persons feelings". F**kin' COP-OUT!!! Don't get to numb and CALL A CAB! Stay sane.
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