Separated... gdgross: Hi Folks, found this site the other day, seems pretty supportive!
Figured I might as well share my story, as there may be someone on here who has had a similar experience... here goes:
June '05: Sixth months ago my wife (25) tells me (28) that she is feeling distant. We make some efforts to spend more time together, make each other a priority, etc. Things kind of cruise along and we don't talk about it much.
October '05: she really drops the bomb on me: not only does she feel distant and emotionally detatched, she pretty much doesn't want to be married, she feels trapped, she feels like she's changed and we are too different to make it work, she's not attracted to me, she doesn't love me, etc. No affair going on. But she says she wants to work on it and we find a counsellor.
She is also going through this whole spiritual searching/journey bit in which she's basically questioning everything she has ever believed about God, religion, etc. Previously she had been a Christian, now I don't have a clue what she'd call herself. She doesn't even really know.
Oct/Nov: Counsellor suggests some things, which we do. I really did change some of my behaviors that had bugged her. (I always thought I was a pretty decent husband, but now that my marriage is on the rocks, I really need to put some serious effort, which I do.) She changes some things, I change some things but she still pretty much feels like she wants away from me.
Early January: Counsellor eventually decides that my wife's issues have nothing to do with me. He thinks what she's going through is pretty much a reaction/rebellion to the religious upbringing she had, which she never really rebelled against until now. He suggests separation. I'm devestated, but I have to let her go; I can't and don't want to keep her in the marriage by force.
My wife gets a place 20 miles away and moves the next weekend. The worst weekend of my life. :'(
I talk to her occasionally, but try and let her have some space to figure herself out and figure out what she wants to do about me. I send her flowers on her birthday, call occasionally to see how she is, etc.
Now: Had dinner with her last night, which was pleasant enough. I'm trying to avoid for the time being the huge elephant in the room and just enjoy each other's company. Not so sure if she really enjoys mine anymore (or yet.) BTW, she is still not attracted to me at all. My romantic endeavors seemingly have zero effect. My plan is still to pursue her; I love her more than anything, and I really want things to work out. Unfortunately, she doesn't feel the same about me anymore. I hope I am able to change her mind.
That's where we stand right now. Prayers, good thoughts, mojo, etc. all appreciated! Thoughts or advice as well!
Thanks,
Geoff
Re: Separated... snkpack5: (((HUGS)))
I hope it works out for you . . .
Re: Separated... IlliniGirl: G~
Man....I don't know what to say. I wish you all the best in your endeavors to win your wife back. But I walso thing that you should prepare yourself as much as you can just in case things don't work. I am not trying to discourage you in ANY way, so please don't take it as that. I really do hope that all works out for the best for you.
Please be sure to keep us involved and if you need anything at all from us, we are all here for you!
Hugs~
~AB
Re: Separated... doseyclwn: Good luck, man. In my case, I have decided that the problem is deeper. I have done a lot of changing and my wife lied and betrayed me. I would be willing to reconcile ONLY if we could find a way to rebuild the trust that's been destroyed. I hope that is not the case with y'all. Stick around here, though. This place has literally saved my life.
Re: Separated... gdgross: Thanks everyone. I really want things to work out between us. My wife is seriously one of the neatest people I know, which is why I have such a hard time understanding what she is doing. It doesn't at all match with what I know of her. Unless she is perhaps hiding something from me, but I really don't think that's the case.
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