wanting vs. willing 21218: so i'm thinking what i would tell the "next one" about this marriage.
don't want to get into all the grisly details, so the easiest way to sum it up is ... I *wanted* this marriage, she was *willing* to be in it.
Giving up your time, energy, money, etc. for a relationship doesn't matter because the relationship, mostly, is what you want to expend those things on. It has to be your number #1 priority above all others ... if it isn't and things are easy, you might be able to stay together ... but when issues and conflict come up, if anything else is even close to being #1 ... it just won't work out. Unless you're ready to be with someone who isn't going to love you as much, make them the #1 priority in your life when they're not capable / ready / wanting to do the same for you ...
anyway, just some rambling. any thoughts?
Re: wanting vs. willing JNA: Well buddy...
Relationships are hard to begin with but when you add someone disordered or not ready yet it makes those problems two fold
Healthy relationships are about 50/50 and not one sided per se...
I think when you meet someone new and end up telling your story of what happened she will be like WTF
My relationship with my ex was so crazy that it would make your head spin to just read about it...
She became the #1 priority in your life because she was on the emotional level of a child
Think Kid when you think of her...
She is a Kid in a full grown body...
Kids require a lot of attention
Stay Strong dude
JNA
It summed it up for me when my ex broke up with me and came back three times in about a 48 hour period of time...
I said you need to get some therapy and I will help you
Her response: Why...
Re: wanting vs. willing hudson: Well 21218,
What you wrote pretty much sums up my marriage. I wanted it more than anything, was blinded by love. So I ignored the fact that she wasn't even close to being ready for marriage.
So, like most times, I got what I wanted, cause i'm very good at that, but it ended up biting me in the @ss so hard that I have to regularly check to make sure I still have an @ss.
Re: wanting vs. willing crushedman: I think a lot about wanting vs. doing. Most people 'want' a great relationship, but are not willing to do anything about it. Great relationships takes patience, self control, sacrifice, discipline, hard work.
I see an example of wanting vs. doing at my work every single day. At any given time, 18 or 19 out of the 20 people I work with are on a diet. Lunchtime will come, and inevitably everyone will order pizza, chinese food, fried foods, subs, etc. I'll order a salad with no bread. At the end of lunch, 2 or 3 people will remark to me, "Gee, I wish I was like you. I just can't eat salad everyday. You're really lucky." I've tried to convince them that I'd like (or want, if you will) to stuff my face with fattening foods everyday, too. But I don't because I know those foods will make me fat. They never draw the parallel between wanting vs. doing.
cm
Re: wanting vs. willing 21218: i totally agree. i was watching some fat camp show on MTV and the fat quitting kids totally reminded me of the attitude of my wife. me me me now now now with no thought of their health, their family, their own sense of shame, their future, etc. just me and now.
wanting v willing / doing ... as far as the actual words, semantics really. they are willing to lose weight, if it somehow magically disappears, but they don't really WANT it so they aren't DOING anything to get it.
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