Patience little one... incoherentlonghorn: In Tx, the law requires a 60 day waiting period after filing for a divorce. Today is day 60 and I don’t feel like I am one step closer to ending this ordeal. This week my marriage could have ended...
Internally I am light years further, but hmmm not on paper. I naively filed thinking I would be divorced within at least three months, graduate with MY name on my diploma, and have moved on with my life. None of this is obtainable…I have readjusted and accepted this for the most part.
Funny…I’m sitting here after enjoying a day with the family, saw wild bald eagles for the first time, about to go out with everyday compadres and I am happy…then I think of the future and get down…
I am immensely happy with my life, my brilliant son, my accomplishments, and almost completely with myself. And I’m constantly working on that guilt issue. But for some strange reason I will not allow myself to be fully satisfied until I reach my carrot, being legally divorced. FREE forever. I am obsessed with this ending. It’s been 8 months already...
I know that a legal divorce is a phase in recovery, but cannot prevent myself from allowing it to define me. I refused to order grad invitations for almost 2.5 weeks now because I worked so hard and did this for US, only partially for ME. Its maybe not that the s2bx is missing particularly but that I planned on sharing that day with someone I love and who will be there with me NO matter what cards life deals. Now, that would be my family and son...but i want more...I thought I had more...
I feel that I can move on with my life once this is finalized…seems too simple though.
Does it seem like I have more issues to deal with or simply that I want someone to share my life with in the future??? Cop out??? Reasonable??? Any thoughts.
Thanks in advance,
LL
Re:Patience little one... bit pusher: Move on anyway, goddammit. I know, I know, easier said than done ... but it turns out I worked on a lot of things that needed to get done while I was in limbo wondering what the ex and her lawyers were up to -- and I'm glad I wasn't holding on to the legal divorce itself as a milestone that would have prevented me from doing what I could outside of it.
Hell, if you manage to clear out enough issues before those papers get signed, you might even dodge what I ran into ... the "it's final" meltdown ... (although I'm personally pleased at what I was able to vent and get out of my head and onto paper during the meltdown, it was still a distinctly unpleasant experience.)
When it comes down to it, I don't see how that court order is gonna change what you describe ... feeling like you've been working for so long to help provide not only for your son but also for your husband ... missing that loving companion ... all that nasty sh?t. It's all going to get worked through, managed, and put away for good on its own schedule, with or without the court.
I also don't see the court order adding any value to you as a person ... you're already good at what you do, strong, dedicated to your (now smaller) family, etc. etc. etc.
Maybe it's just an attitude I can take now that mine have gone through, but the legalisms are just legalisms ... although there is a sharp finality they provide, they aren't what I saw as the defining factor in my process of recovering.
Hang in there, hey?
-bp
Re:Patience little one... incoherentlonghorn: Then there is the advice of my attorney saying you should not date until the divorce is finalized, don't want to provide him with any ammunition.
Four months later...at a year...I'll be sitting here waiting...turning down dates...or still going out with guys solely as friends
On one hand that is completely ridiculous but not worth taking any chances on the other. Anyhow, bp your arguement that I will still miss companionship and feel somewhat of a loss is logical so maybe the need for an end is really so I can have a little fun. I did say freedom...
Re:Patience little one... janee: I can relate to your situation. My divorce has been dragging since August. I want mine done and over, as well. I have to sign checks, receipts, and have bills still using my married name. It sucks. Once my papers are signed, I will definitely be able to move on. I don't think about my ex unless I get a call or correspondence from my attorney. As far as dating, the same thing. Who wants to date someone who is going through a divorce? To be honest, the thought of dating makes me cringe. I don't want to hang out with many people, except close friends, because I don't feel like putting on a face.
Re:Patience little one... bit pusher: [quote author=Lone Longhorn link=board=1;threadid=2565;start=0#msg22021 date=1081041534">
Then there is the advice of my attorney saying you should not date until the divorce is finalized, don't want to provide him with any ammunition.
[/quote">
Only thing I can think about WRT your stbx and ammunition is double-oh buckshot ... but I dunno if being on the business end of a twelve-gauge counts as "providing" him with that ammo ...
As to the rest of it ... dunno there. I was divorced by the time I was doing any real dating, and was still not ready for some of the overhead.
Parts of me wanted the whole divorce to be over faster, parts of me were glad it wasn't ... the only part that was in fullblown riot over the whole affair (ha ha ... goddamn that b*tch anyway, and her punka$s fuckbuddy, and the horse she rode in on) was the libido, and my feelings about being ... eh ... freed up in that regard are still a little mixed.
Only thing I know ... I was lucky enough to be in a place where I didn't feel like something was missing because the divorce was not legally complete. I really felt something missing afterward, but that's a whole different story ... ja know?
-bp
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