AARRRGGG Bad "friendly outing" incoherentlonghorn: So I am wondering if I will ever go out with a nice guy...I believe I will...but as advised by a freind maybe I have to sift through the jerks first. Even if they are friends...
Last night I went out with a guy whom I was intimidate with previously, started hanging out a few months back, my shooting buddy. So he is always flirty, but the big problem with him has always been he is emotionally unavailable. I love this man as a friend in the least, he has ALWAYS been there for me...so I value his friendship.
So last night we engage in a very blunt conversation about our previous tendencies…who’s in my life then to jealousy. I am one confident woman who smiles and notably acknowledges when men are “shopping.” I laughed when he checks out this woman; he responds with you were always really good at hiding your jealousy. I think a little jealousy is healthy to a point, we never had a conversation about other men/women before. Even when dating, not a problem. He keeps scoping out the room; this is not a date, we are friends, but he knows that I was a little irritated. Being one of the guys has its advantages but not last night.
We go out downtown and on campus where on a Saturday night is unlimited fun for viewing pleasure. Keep in mind he is depressed and I am here to cheer him up, so his inhibitions are down. Also he has never given me a compliment ever, except going on & on about my “cheerleader body.” No compliments kind of guy…
The progression:
At dinner—he’s looking everywhere
He starts talking about all the perky tits
Catch him looking at mine—fine except he was sneaking not apparent
More staring
I voice my irritation
He keeps staring, he thinks it funny at this point
I check out a guy to re-enforce my dissatisfaction
Making comments about every semi attractive women who walks by
Get coffee—sit there talking about the women in line
Go to Einstein’s arcade—two beautiful women on dance/dance revolution
He stares repeatedly saying what do you think the men are staring at their moves
Get stuck in traffic for an hour
HE continues to shop, make comments, I am not communicating verbally at this point, but he knows I’m irritated
He offers to find me a taxi home
Then instead of backing down, I decide this is outrageous and I’m not pretending I’m happy, I’m mad
So he smarts off, I start saying how about her she’s cute
*Note any woman in an attractive even somewhat fitted dress is unattractive he says and he’s into the hot but risqué women
The only vague compliment-I say oh she has my body type-he says she is hot in those skin tight jeans
Then he starts making fun of women’s makeup because he is the expert right
The gawking continues
Long story short he offers to get me a taxi in a less than nice manner about five times…
He keeps pushing so I said the next time you call expect nothing less than a nasty comment and dial tone because I deserve better than this even from a friend.
He drops me off and I am mad…I said do you want a hug…he makes a face…I go towards him…he pulls back…I start to leave…he is flabbergasted…I give him one crappy hug and said thanks for a great evening, that is for the most part….sarcastically.
Then I call his voicemail to apologize as I know he is having a really bad day, especially now…so if he calls we can talk but it may not be 100% fun but I wont hang up…
ARARGGGGGGGG
Re:AARRRGGG Bad "friendly outing" Spectrum: Hmmm.....
LL, what is your exact take on what was happening there?
I could be waaayyy off-base, but it sounds like you two actually might like each other, but you've gotten into some weird rut where you are competing to make each other jealous??
A few questions:
1. Do you have a friendship-type relationship with this guy where he should be able to check out and/or comment on other women when you are together? What kind of history are we talking about here?
2. If "yes" to #1, is this a case of you feeling differently about him now than before you were "together?"
3. If "no" to #1, the guy was being a jerk, plain and simple.
4. Staring at your breasts is just rude. There is a time and a place for that, and anywhere/when else deserves a smack upside the head.
5. If he was surprised you were leaving, is it possible he thought that this was all cool with you, and just some kind of "playing hard to get" thing?
Spectrum.
Re:AARRRGGG Bad "friendly outing" incoherentlonghorn: Funny, I kind of forgot the conversation leading up to those actions because although blunt, they seemed to be accepted well...
1. Even when we were dating I'd look over, he would slyly attemp a recovery from sneaking a peak. I would say yeah she is cute, nice xxx...I'm the one with the great guy, why do I need to fret. It has always been like that even as friends but he never did it over and over...that was too much, I'm not that secure or its just disrespectful. This may be the root of evil because now that we are hanging but showing potential interest in others, it is complicating our friendship.
By the end of the eve LL: 3 Him: 67
He was definitely pushing buttons but, you are right, WHY? and so was I..
-We are simply great together, compatible in most aspects now except for two...he doesn't want children and he is a tad selfish with time. OH three...he is emotionally unavailable. He wants companionship on his terms, not quite as mutual as it should be. So we originally started dating knowing it wouldn't be long term, just enjoying each others company.
Currently--He's all about calling once a week at the same time to set up a once a week get together (for like 4 months)...nothing sporadic...but the last two weeks 8 calls, lots of going out...he wants me but he doesn't want me...I want him, but I don't want him.........
Historically-I started to fall in love with him and told him with full knowledge he would immediately dump me because he is not "capable of that." I am one of his best friends but my friendship is more important to him. You know I really liked that one. BUT I'm all about open communication, REGARDLESS. He knew me and would have figured it out relatively fast anyways. I must say that he took care of me for a couple of months afterwards, never reacted when I was upset and was patient...
NOW-That spark or shall I say tension is ever-present, we both care, but we both know it is best to NOT comply. Last night we hashed over every concern we had from our previous relationship, he kept saying I don't just want to sleep with you, I want companionship, I care. I kept saying I KNOW you care, but I want love reciprocated. Not just affection. That he cannot do...
We have a ton of fun together, comfortable silence, I know how he works, vice versa, but the two pieces don't quite fit...How to salvage what is left...its just a tough situation...I don't have the answer...
5. Maybe he was surprised because I don't ever leave when I'm upset, I prefer to duke it out and have resolution....I was so confused and hurt...
Not right for each other, but drawn...time...space...
moving on again...close but no cigar...I don't want to lose someone who IS my friend and CARES because of sexual tension, you know............
Re:AARRRGGG Bad "friendly outing" incoherentlonghorn: This pretty much sums it up...
Edward: "Impossible relationships. My special gift is impossible relationships."
;)
Re:AARRRGGG Bad "friendly outing" picadilly: Great movie... thats not really a gift though. It's like getting socks for christmas. I know... I got socks from my aunt. :P Hello, I'm old enough to buy my own damn socks, thank you.
Personally LL, you know I'll support you in whatever you decide will happen with this guy. But how long are you willing to wait for him to "smarten" up & realise your a sexy, beautiful woman, yummy mummy anyone? :) It's hard to give up on him when you have invested this much time in trying to work it out, but it could be bad news trying to make someone that is emotionally detached, attached. Easy enough for me to say "just be friends with him", harder for you to do, I'm sure.
Take it easy, hang tough.
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