Re:I'm stuck again!! leem03: What a Morning!!
The dog got out of the temporary fence because it was too windy today. It took my 3 year old & I 15 minutes to find his dumb butt! Making me later than I already was. Finally we get in the car. Then darn it...realize that we left my daughter's nap stuff home (pillow, blanket). So we had to turn around to go get it. I had the blanket & had to search high & low for the pillow case. Finally got one....of course not the one she wanted because it wasn't Strawberry Shortcake & didn't match the blanket. ANYWAYS!!! So we leave out again....VERY LATE & what happens.......BAM! I get pulled over & get a ticket. Did I forget to mention that my husband spent the night at the OW's house & came in at 7 am to take a shower & get ready for work. We didn't speak a word to each other. Just a slap in the face.
I wanted to tell the cop...you know this is my first day back to work since my miscarriage, the dog got out, we forgot the nap stuff & my marriage is over--all through the tears. But I didn't. He didn't seem to care anyways...he had to see me balling my eyes out. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Too much bad stuff happening. I didn't think I would make it through the day.....but here I am now it's 9pm and I'm almost through!! Another tough day done.....ready to start on another one again tomorrow.
It's tough, ya know? It feels like that things can't possibly get any worse yesterday, at least that's what I told my friend. She reminded me of it today and said see it can still get worse. But only you have the power to make it better. You have to choose to make it better. I just can't seem to make that choice yet. My husband & I have been going through this chaos for a long time now. It's not better. I am worse. But I still can't let go!!
Please tell me when will I be able to let him go and move on??? Why can't I let him go???
Re:I'm stuck again!! janee: No one said its easy to let go. It hurts, like pulling off duck-tape. Whether abrupt or gradual, you are going to hurt. I am still trying to let go, even though my divorce is about to be final. Even though my stbx is scum of the earth, and I wanted the divorce, it still hurts. Ask yourself this " do you want to continue hurting the way you are, making it harder to let go?" or "do you want to hurt now, break free, heal, and be better off long term?" I have never known breaking up and divorcing to be painless. Have to have no soul if you feel no pain. My point is you have choices. You feelings will come in waves. Some days will be harder than others. In fact, the past couple of days have been tough. But believe me, gradually you will heal. If my divorce was not affecting me, I would not be on this message board. Even though things are yucky for me right now, I know I will be better off long term. I would rather be alone than be with someone like my ex. Have to be your own best friend. Hang in there and keep posting.
Re:I'm stuck again!! leem03: Janee, you are absolutely right we all have choices. Still for whatever reason I cannot let this man go. Things have been bad for a long time, but I still remember all of the good things. I find myself being one of those typical codependent women, that I never thought I would be. In my professional life and personal life outside of him, I am very independent. So why not with him. What does he have over me so strong?
My real thinking is that each time we said we were going to try, we really didn't. We really didn't give it another chance. We're both bitter. Then I try to leave to give us both space & we keep coming back.
He seems to be reaching his break off point with me though. The last few days all he wants is to get out. Saying that he should have been a man a long time ago and left because he was unhappy. He wants to leave the marriage and try to regain happiness. I admire him for finally having the courage to say it, but I still don't want him to go. Maybe he had all of the external problems with the drinking and cheating, but I really have all the internal problems. I am soooooooo attached to this man I do not want to lose him. I am crying all day long, every day.
I want him and only him. I want my family back together. I want to be happy too....but I want to be happy with him as my husband.
I know this makes me one of the lowest people on the board here. The codependent one who can't let go. I too firmly believe that in the long run I will be OK without him. But I don't want to be in the long run without him. When I don't talk to him I miss him. I miss him!!!!!
Obvioulsy I need more counseling, because otherwise I'm gone to be a total wreck real soon.
What else can I do? Has anyone else ever found themselves too far wrapped up in your stbx's? I don't know what else to do short of moving away so that I can't see him.
Ughhhhhhh I really would appreciate any thoughts and support
Re:I'm stuck again!! ChrisJane: Been there done that!
My ex had me so convinced that I couldn't live without him. I stayed through the mental and physical abuse for 11 years. When he drank - it was my falt. When he broke all the glass in the house - it was my fault. The black eyes, broken nose, etc. - were my fault. Having no money was my fault. all the fighting was my fault because I nagged at him all the time. My ex still does not admit he has a drinking/drug problem.
Even towards the end I wished I could have had another child becase it might give us another chance, or at least give me another part of him that I once loved so much.
Continue the counseling. If he admits he has a problem and seeks help that is his first step.
All I will say about the pregnancy, children are a gift and there is a reason. Don't make any drastic decisions until you think things through totally.
Keep posting!
Re:I'm stuck again!! Spectrum: Hey leem,
What I have to say is going to echo alot of what you have already heard.
You are so lucky to be getting out of this situation.
The fact that your husband headed straight for his old vices the minute you left the house says volumes. VOLUMES. People can hide their impulses and pretend they don't exist, or they can make life-changing decisions to improve themselves. But they have to want to do it for THEM and not for you, because when it comes down to it, if a person isn't looking out for #1, they really aren't looking out for anyone else either. Obviously your husband didn't make that life-changing decision to better himself, so you are better off finding this out now rather than later.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Having a spouse cheat on you and verbally or physically abuse you is the most miserable experience... But if you can come out on the other side a better, wiser person; someone who doesn't repeat the same mistakes over and over, then perhaps it isn't the worst thing that can happen.
After all, sometimes (as in my case) the drinking and cheating are the catalysts that enable you to break free from what could potentially be years or even decades of unhappiness.
Spectrum.
Click More for the next page.
