Re:I'm stuck again!! julietl66: Hi Leem,
I can add another perspective here.
My s2bx was an active alcoholic and addict when we met. After a few months of dating, I figured it out and was ready to walk. He decided to go to rehab and got clean. He was a wonderful person, we married 8 years ago. Fast forward~ after 11 years of sobriety, he went back to drinking and drugging. I knew I was taking my chances when I married him. Knew all about the probability of relapse, but told myself I couldn't live my life with "what ifs."
Well, lesson learned! I'll never make the same mistake again, and hopefully can help others to avoid it as well. You must make your own decision, but trust me when I tell you, sobriety comes with no guarantees.
As for the pregnancy. I feel for you and your situation. Just remember that the options available don't have the stigma they used to, if that's what you choose. Maybe you should see your therapist weekly while you try to figure out what to do about this situation.
I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Julie
Re:I'm stuck again!! Ryan_Clone: I am new here, and if some of you don't me yet, then let me introduce myself. I cheated on my wife, and lost her because of it. I have come to this board for help through this troubling time.
More importantly I've come here to help the cheatee understand the cheater. I am not proud of what I've done, and I wish I could take it back every second I'm alive, but I can't so if I can help people understand what cheating does or how much it hurts I will feel as if I made some sort of impact.
Let me be the first to tell you, that you didn't "push" your husband back into the arms of the other woman. I can tell you deep down inside that your hasband is hurting, and he goes to somewhere he knows he is accepted. Is it wrong for him to do so? Yes very much so.
There are two types of cheaters, people who cheat and don't care, and people who cheat and do care.
I was one of the ones who cheated and cared. I didn't start to care because I got caught or because I lost my wife. I cared because of the pain I put everyone I knew through.
Reading your story, your husband seems like the other kind of cheater. One who cheats and doesn't care who it hurts. I am not trying to be hurtful here, but if he has experienced life without you, and yet can still go back to that other woman when he had a chance to reconcile with you he is a man that cares for one thing....himself.
Cheating is a terrible thing to go through, one I will never forgive myself for, but there comes a time where you have to look at the person who is cheating and figure him out, ask him what's in his head. If he doesn't care today, trust me he will one day, but that day will come too late.
I wish you the best of luck, and I am so sorry for what he's done to you.
Ryan
Re:I'm stuck again!! Basset: Dear Leem03,
I read your story. I understand how you feel about your husband. It is hard for me to let my husband go despite him treating me badly. I always worry about who is going to take care of him since he doesn't have any family here in Canada. I often feel obligated to take care of him since I brought him here. But why should I? I have a new boyfriend who needs me - though not as much as my husband because he can take care of himself. And my husband sure doesn't want my care or he wouldn't have ditched me for the ability to have multiple women at a time. He surely never thanked me for all the love and care I gave him. Plus, my husband doesn't seem to care for me because he hurt me really bad on March 25th and showed no remorse.
Basset
Re:I'm stuck again!! leem03: Thank you all for all of the kind words. I've stayed off of here for a while trying to sort out my feelings for things whichever way I decided to go. Well I was opting toward not having the child and then....miscarriage. Too much stress at work and obviously at home to blame. I'm very upset about it, but ok with it too. I know that it happened for a reason. I wasn't ready to be a SINGLE mom again. Don't get me wrong...He said he would support me whatever way I chose to go. But I know full well how much or should I say How Little support I truly would have gotten.
So we've done a lot of soul searching over these last couple of weeks. We've agreed to try to sell the house and he has been actively looking for a condo. I hate the idea of it. But then I'm ok with it too. I think I know in my head that it really is over. If he wanted me in his life completely he would be 100% done with the OW. But he's not. I feel like I need one of those cartoon pianos to fall on my head to say WAKE UP SISTER!! Hopefully I will get there. He wants me to help him check out the condo, look at the financing, etc. I told him I can't. I'm not at that point. I'm still upset about the loss of the child, regardless of the situation. Now we're ready to move on with our lives without each other and I feel like I'm going deeper into a hole. I don't want to be mean and not help him...I just can't help my husband walk out on us. Can't do it!! I can do alot of things, put up with a lot of crappy treatment. But helping him leave the mess he created is not one of them. He says it's because I want him to hurt. Really not the case.....I do however want him to feel the pain of loosing me. I am his support person. I am his crutch and I want him to feel the loss. Not being there to help him every step of the way. Let him know I shouldn't have been taken for granted. I mean maybe he'll realize he didn't need me all along. But I hope he doesn't. I hope he misses everything. I hope he realizes what a mess he made and hope that he wants to fix it all and come home to our family. I also hope that by the time he figures it all out........That I will be all over him!!!
Keep the hope & faith everyone! I know the grass will be greener one day for all of us!!!
Re:I'm stuck again!! Basset: Dear leem03,
I agree with what you are doing. In the beginning of our break up, my husband asked me to help him with things. But then, he says I don't care for him, etc, etc. It just hurts me. Nowadays, he completely ignores me.
Basset
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