When you Just Know in_search_of: Wow, I wish I would have found this place about a year ago! But, in the process of doing some research for a paper for school, I came across it...
Lets see, I am 23, divorced, and moving on with life, somedays I am not sure how successfully I am moving on, but I am trying...
I was the "bad guy" in my divorce, I was the one who said that it was not longer working, that I just wasn't happy, and that we had to do something else. We attempted to do the counseling thing to no avail. We were not really "fighting" we didn't need to, fighting means that you still have some caring for one another...but we were to the point that it just was not worth it.
My Ex is a wonderful guy and will make a wonderful husband for someone someday, just not me.
I am not sure that I will be finding anyone who really is the wonderful husband for me...but more about that at a later date.
I married my college sweetheart less than a month after we both graduated from college. We were married for about a year when things went downhill.
If you asked anyone who saw us together, we were perfectly happy, we were one of those couples who never said anything bad about one another, we did nice things for each other, just looked perfect...but alas nothing is perfect.
So now, I am 23, divorced, in law school, and trying to meet new people and make a life after divorce.
Re:When you Just Know in_search_of: Ok, I am surfing around trying to figure out what the norm is around here, what are the common things people post, do people keep a journal, just post for support, to tell stories...I have different communities that I belong to that are different in how people use them... ???
Re:When you Just Know picadilly: Welcome to Ojar, Insearchof.
It doesn't matter how long you have been seperated/divorced, they still hurt when you think of it. I know it would have been rough for me without this site, a place to tell my story, to vent. I think family & friends can give you sympathy for so long before they get annoyed with you. Here, people are going through the same, the empathy is real, we do understand. Leavers & leavee's.
I do keep a journal, just started actually.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/picadilly_here/
someplace else to write stuff down that does not really have anything to do with my seperation but i have discovered that babbling helps me to think, even if no one will ever read it. Clears my head of all the useless stuff I think about. :P
Pretty much you hit it on the head. We use this site to vent, to tell our stories & to support others new to this. Posting for support is also a big thing. Sometimes life is a bit more then we can take alone & at 2 am in the morning, this is the prefect place to chat with someone. heh, there is always someone here.
Peace & love to you. Your on the right path, I'm sure.
Re:When you Just Know Lumpy: Don't want to sound too harsh here but I'm unclear on your motivations. It's just not worth trying? Outside of a cheating or abusive spouse, It's always worth trying. What are some of your problems? What caused you to stop caring? I don't think your spouse should be held responsible for your "unhappiness". It's one thing if he is the source of your discontent and quite another if you're just unhappy. How does he feel about the whole situation? Just hope you're not throwing the baby out with the bath water! Stay sane.
Re:When you Just Know in_search_of: Lumpy-
My divorce was final in December, my ex moved out a year ago april first. I will never know if you are right and I actually did throw the baby out with the bathwater, believe me I think that every now and again. My ex and I are still friends, and I thank God for that. There is no question in my mind that we did the right thing in getting out when we did, rather than end up hating one another because we waited so long for it to get really bad. For one of us to look to someone else for the things that our relationship was missing, and I don't question that it would have happened eventually, and to be honest I think it would have been me. I think I would have definitely been the one to go somewhere else...And as I told my ex (Scott) I think that I had already started to cheat on him emotionally...I was getting the emotional support that he could not give me from someone else.
Its odd to think that we can still be such good friends (we talk about once a week, about everything, including the new people or the hope of new people in our lives).
There were many things that were not going right, we had talked about what I thought were all the important things before we got married, family, ambititions, hopes, dreams, how to get those things...We compromised and made agreements, and apparently he felt that he had compromised too much when later dates came around. He decided that he did not want a family (which is one of the most important things to me...)
And those things were just the tip of the iceberg.
And despite all that, I don't blame him, I don't blame myself (at least not most of the time) it was just not right. I know certainly that it was neither of our faults on our own.
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