Re:Here comes the pain Lumpy: Thank you YaBB gods and goddesses, all your advice is much appreciated. I find myself in a Dr. Lumpy/Mr. Hyde state of mind right now. The good Dr. agrees emphatically with bkgs' line of reasoning but Hyde is absolutely eating up the straight shooting of bp. I think the answer may be found somewhere in the middle ground that LL alluded to.
I agree that I have to stop sublimating my feelings so much and just "be myself". The thing is a big part of "being myself" during my depression was adopting a why even try defeatist 'tude which greatly contributed to the state of my marriage. Had an anger problem which the stbx took the brunt of. I don't want to be that person anymore. As many of you said in your posts, anger really solves nothing. I so want to solve this! I know that letting Hyde out of the box is only going to exacerbate the situation.
At the same time I wont be trod on! Emulating Christ is all well and good but I'm not going to be staked to a cross and stabbed in the side with a spear! Not without a fight anyway. I think I will take bkgs' suggestion and broach the subject with as much calm as I can muster. If that doesn't work I can always borrow bps' fish bat! (LOL) Oh and pic, absolutely loved your suggestion to compare notes with the mystery caller! Just wish I had the moxie to act on it. Maybe I'll let Hyde field that call!!(heh,heh)
Still just very confused about her motives here. She's not a manipulative person by nature at all but I can't find any other rationale for this behavior. Time will tell I spose. Just spelled spose "spouse". I'm fraught with slips of a Fruedian nature. Thanks again ya'll. Stay sane. Oh and LL, my internship ends on June 9th.
Re:Here comes the pain Bob-Bob: [quote author=bkg link=board=20;threadid=2587;start=0#msg22186 date=1081290217">
No... I was the same way. But what I've learned is this: being angry, even if it's righteous anger, doesn't solve anything. It doesn't make the person love you, it doesn't make her treat you any better, it doesn't change the situation at all.
[/quote">
True... anger does not solve anything... and we all know the pain anger can cause... but... Lumpy!!! You have to do what you feel is going to be right for you... I treated my ex with respect and love.... when she was my stbx.... I tried to hold out and hold on.... and then I realized the incredible amount of pain I was causing to myself... so... my only point here is... How much pain are you willing to endure?
I think there comes a point where you have to draw a line and say this is it... I can endure no more... we all have breaking points....
-Bob
Re:Here comes the pain Lumpy: Talk about instant gratification! Just asked the stbx not to give out the house number and got both an apology and a reasonable excuse. Apparently she had called him from the house phone to his cell. Of course the number appeared on his phone and he eventually called her back at that number. She told him not to call her at this number again, etc, etc. Just another case of me picking up the ball she dropped and running with it! Thanks again for the ear.
